tranquilityseekers: found flower (inspiration)
2020-01-17 04:15 pm
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Welcome To Tranquility Seekers

CURRENT TOPICS TO BE FOUND BELOW THIS POST.

(If all you see is this one post, look to the right and click the link marked "Recent Entries" and you will get in to see the normal site with all entries accessible.)

This is a blog for everyone to check in to to see what's going on-- news of the group, as well as a place to comment and discuss various topics, including the workbook assignments. There is space to comment and you can comment anonymously (don't have to have a dreamwidth account) but please do sign your comments with either your first name or a nickname you choose to identify yourself by.

Dreamwidth is free, though one can upgrade to a paid account. And it doesn't get slammed by spam. A big plus compared to some sites. Its easy to access, but fairly private because not many would stumble across this site. That said, if anyone DOES happen to stumble across this blog, and its pertinent to YOU, you're welcome to join the discussion, so long as you do so respectfully.

That said, some really basic ground rules (which are now in the blog profile):

1. For safety reasons, only use your first name or a nickname/penname here. Many have been or are dealing with stalkers and predators, so caution on a public site is the only option.

2. Also for safety, please use fake names or code names for other people or places. Large cities like Portland can be named, but anything more specific-? Use a code name. Since we'll be together in person and through phone and email, the rest of us will know what you're talking about.

3. Gentle respect at all times to all members of this group! Most here are in various states of fragility and that must be acknowledged with patience. No flaming, trolling, or overt drama-provoking will be tolerated here. This is to be a safe place for all Tranquility Seekers.


Thank you for making this a part of your life-- we are all contributing to improving mental health and quality of life in this endeavor.

~ And I'm Larissa!

P.S. This was started a while ago to deal with issues surrounding recovering from predation by sociopaths, but I'm adding to it as a place to do dream work, self-development, etc.

tranquilityseekers: blue angel staff (education)
2015-12-28 06:43 pm
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New Dreamwork Direction For This Blog

I joined a support group about 8 weeks ago and enjoyed what I learned there and the people I met there so much that I wanted to shift gears a little for this particular blog to fit what I've been working on lately.

Its funny to look back at the beginning of 2015 and realize how sassy and ready to tackle the world I was then as compared to now. Now I've been hit with a new blow and need to dig down and find more and better inner resources to meet what's happening.

Luckily, in my personal private blog, I've been keeping track of some inner work via dreaming that's been expanded upon lately, and I can share what I've learned there -- here! I'll start step by step with what has been a journey of more than 8 years. (But dreamwork waxes and wanes over time, sometimes active, other times I don't remember any for weeks or even months at a time.)

I moderate, but if anyone wants to submit something of their own, comments allow for anonymous (non-dreamwidth users) to do so and if you want to submit a piece of your own, just email druidsraven @ gmail.com (but without spaces, obviously!)

Below this intro, you'll find back-dated entries of previous years work. I'll add several new articles every other week or so until I've caught up to present (which will take a little time...) Feel free to ask questions or add your own examples or reactions.

And-- thanks for reading!
tranquilityseekers: touch goddess (invocation)
2015-11-05 03:30 pm
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The Pull Man Vs. The Spy

[From Nov. 2009]

For those of you who are newer to my blog, this is about a deep subconscious journey to fix my problems that seem beyond my conscious will. I'm using lucid dreaming (where you're awake and able to choose your action in a dream) as a means to interact with my subconscious mind directly. I've learned most of the symbolic system of my dreams and used that knowledge to change up the game-- to stop the automatic behaviors that end up being repeating mistakes.

Rays are the programs from the authority figures in our life growing up-- they are the messages that eventually become automatic to us-- but the unfairly biased ones create Shadows, or parts of ourselves we reject per Jung's definition. I've simply taken the concept a bit further to address the Rays that cast the Shadows (out) in the first place. Many of my Rays are hurting me, and the only way I know to effect them-- to "reprogram" them to work FOR me rather than against me is through dreams... the only place where we can meet on somewhat equal footing.

Its been some time since I've written of my Dream Quest. Yet, it has not been forgotten. I'm alert to any special dreams and I continue to pay attention. Evidently, progress is being made.

When last we left our Dream Quest, the Rays were trying to get me to slow down, back off, anything but continue this self-work I'm doing to work on these inner demons of mine.

When the Dream Quest began, my White Guide sent me off into the deep, dark realms of my own mind to confront the damaging Rays which were holding me back. She sent with me special orbs on necklaces to put around the necks of the Rays who were working against me rather than for me.

All along, I have wondered who the extra big orb was for-- no one Ray seemed as badly put-together as all that! And would it be a Ray of my father? NO. I found my father-representative in my mind, and he was mainly just a concept of "monster" that none of my Shadows was really taking seriously anymore, its almost like they were just pretending to be scared of him to be polite or something:

So WHO was my inner "Big Bad" -- my ultimate game "Boss?"

In this morning's dream I FOUND OUT! THIS dream was so good-- I'm barely awake but I'm almost shaking in excitement.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It started with the image of me riding around in the head of this HUGE robot that was wandering the landscape. Next, I was seeing out of the eyes of the robot through a viewscreen at a remote station far away. A bunch of men were standing around, trying to work the controls (they called themselves 'The Controllers.)' But they were upset because the giant robot was heading their way- searching for them! They were afraid it would find them and mash them to bits!

Obviously, the giant robot is my big body, doing its thing in the world-- me in my waking, conscious life. The Controllers were pulling levers and pushing buttons and making the Robot do what they wanted at certain times-- my subconscious automatic reactions to things! Given my Dream Quest, its obvious why they're freaking out at the idea of the Giant Robot becoming aware of them and getting pissed at what it (I) discover!

The man in charge of The Controllers-- the TOP Controller if you will!-- fled the Control Station and was attempting to find The Spy who was "on the ground" and capture him or her along with a few of his friends. Everyone 'on the ground' [or, as we would would say, 'in the Dream-Realm'] was in absolute AWE of this guy. He even had an official title: The Pull Man. I learned this from overhearing news reports and radio dispatches while watching the Giant Robot on the viewscreen.

I saw the Giant Robot (boy, it really was big, too!) crossing a huge bridge into The Pull Man's territory-- what looked like a quaint and expanded English Village. There was panic from some 'down below' with people screaming and fleeing their cars and such. While, interestingly, others 'down below' seemed absolutely calm and went about their business without concern. They just moved politely out of the Giant Robot's way. SOME were actually cheering the Giant Robot's progress! [Awww! Thanks, Guys!]

In the next scene, I joined with those 'on the ground down below' and became The Spy following The Pull Man and disguised as one of his small group of top assistants. I opened the door of the car The Pullman arrived in and then followed his group. I listened to them discuss where to find this Spy-- and took in as many details of The Pullman as I could. He was top dog in this world, that much was certain! He was like a little, proper, Englishman, with a bowler hat, dark suit, and briefcase. Of interest was his symbolic color-- a very dark green, almost black, with a shimmering green over it. He was about my height, and of slight build. But his power was not in might, but rather with his cleverness and scheming ways.

He was not a good guy, I could tell. But he kept his power over the Dream Realm (subconscious) by masquerading as its only protection. He prevented the Giant Robot from destroying the village, you see-- so everyone gave him all this power. He had knowledge and fantastic gadgets to use against the Robot. In fact, he often turned the robot against HIS enemies, using it as he chose for his own selfish reasons. I disliked him intensely, but I was surprised that the most powerful guy in the village could be so... uninspiring and almost comical, really. And what was with that name... the "Pull Man"?? WTF?! What in the hell did he PULL?

The Pull Man stopped at a phone booth (the old English kind) when it rang and he answered it. [Like the phone booths here were his version of cell phones or something..?] He listened for a few minutes and then put down his briefcase. He looked around at everyone suspiciously, announcing that The Spy was among them right now-- FIND HIM! I thought that was it for me, as I had not yet turned lucid in the dream, and was deep into the plot line and imagery of the Dream still. Yet to my surprise, one of the other guys-- who I recognized as my friend for some reason, began to run away! I realized this was the perfect distraction for me to make a break for it!

The Pull Man directed his second to pull this weird, horn-like device out of The Pull Man's briefcase and point it at my friend. This huge horn with an engine on the back of it came out of the small attache -- and the dream became much more dream-like. [It started to twitch my awareness a bit-- was I in a movie? How did this reality work again?] The horn part-- like a trombone or something-- was pointed at my fleeing ally and activated. Suddenly, a great sucking wind whipped up and my friend was literally sucked into the device! OH! So THAT was why they called this guy The Pull Man... because he pulled things right out of existence! He was sort of like God in that way here.

But I didn't watch most of the process, I was too busy trying to get away myself! I had crossed a great open yard running for a group of huge oak trees and a stone manor-- they seemed the best cover against a magical vacuum do-hicky. Yet the device was next turned upon me, and I could tell very quickly that there was no way I'd make it! The wind whipped up and I began to slide on the grass backwards.

Then something strange happened (like, the rest of this is perfectly average--?) and one of the oak trees suddenly had all these multicolored streamers tied around it. Long ones, all the colors of the rainbow! They were sucked towards the Pull Man, same as myself, right to me so I could grab them. [Some part of me recognized what these things meant-- but at the moment I was too busy pulling myself away from the sucking thing using them to stop and ponder it all. More below.]

I made it to the line of oak trees, away from the worst of the sucking power, and was able to let go of the streamers and awkwardly run-- but it was still a struggle to cross from tree to tree trying to get to the stone manor. My goal was to go around the corner where the wind would lose it's grip. Meanwhile, the Pull Man had grabbed a bull horn and was speaking to me: "Turn back at once! You must do as I say. If you do not, everything you hold dear-- everything that you love and care about-- will be destroyed." [His voice was very distinct, sort of flat and resonant at the same time, like a radio announcer from the 40s with an East Coast accent-- like he was from Harvard or something. Like John F. Kennedy, for example.]

I made it to the corner of the building and ran for all I was worth, wondering frantically what to do. I'd soon run out of hiding places!

Meanwhile, behind me, the device was turned off, and the lackey that was using it had picked it up and run after me! Once he had me in his sights again, I'd be back in the same boat! For some reason, I thought of the streamers and they tweaked my mind and made me think of doing something other than running. I saw a big stone fallen from the manor and grabbed it and ran back to the corner of the building. When the Lackey showed up [I noted he wore black and white vertical stripes in a suit and a bowler hat as well-- hmmm!] I conked him on the head and knocked him out, and then grabbed the device!

Triumphant, I held it in my hands for a moment. Just then, the comlink walkie-talkie thing the Lackey had attached to his suit made a noise. I heard The Pull Man through it, "Do you have her. Is the Spy secured?" [Oh! NOW I'm a "her!"] I bent down and grabbed the weird little comlink and held it in my other hand-- and suddenly BOOM--! I WENT LUCID!

Oh my! It all started to come together then, and I pressed the button on the comlink and said to The Pull Man. "Oh, the Spy is secured alright. You mother fucker, I AM the Giant Robot!" and woke up!!
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Sadly, I awoke before being able to put the Orb healing necklace around the neck of The Pull Man to bring him round. However, now I know who the Big Bad is! Essentially, its the ultimate program-- the notion that there is some power out there, some God, some Authority, that can take everything away from me, just like the little man said. The superstitious belief that one wrong move provokes punishment of some sort. The grip of fear I often feel myself caught up in is manipulated by this little Ray. It seems quite obvious now that I've met him- yet until this dream I never would have guessed. The Pull Man is my wee inner [English] God.

Final note: The multi-colored streamers, hats, and vertical-striped suit gave me a clue that the supposed Lackey was in fact my secret helper, The Faery Jester!

tranquilityseekers: ecstasy (trancendence)
2015-10-29 03:20 pm
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Return of the Werebear

[From Jan. 2009]

I haven't had any interesting dreams to report in quite some time, but that changed Sunday  morning. I had a long and rather involved dream that only upon awakening did I realize was pulling in symbols from an earlier dream.

At the beginning of that report, made on January 16th of 2006, I mentioned a quick dream segment in which I was looking in a mirror and my reflection was out of sync, mocking me and so forth. I found it weird to read that bit because I had a very similar dream just a week ago. However, my approach in this latest dream was not so enlightened. Instead, I felt threatened and got angry and attacked my "fake" self I saw in the mirror (yeah, I know... like that isn't easy to figure out, huh?)

Anyway, back to the werebear!

As you can see-- 3 years ago I dreamt of a Werebear who became a "monster" type character, apparently eating other human dream characters, and I was running from it and figuring out ways to survive. The werebear, which first looked like a bear, and then like a werewolf, gave off a strange, supernatural, totem-like essence.

In the recent dream, I was at some cabin in the snowy, wintery woods visiting my mother and sister. They talked about how they had a "pet bear" and wanted to show it to me. I thought they were out of their minds, but went to look. To my astonishment, they were allowing it to run around mostly free. A dangerous bear!  It was a mother bear, too- with a single, female, cub. The cub was playful and cute, and for some reason, I quickly named her "Sugar" after I saw her, but the mother seemed rather friendly and dopey, as if still in partial hybernation. The mother bear kept coming up to me (mostly on my right side) and seemed to want to be close to me. I was VERY nervous, but tried not to show it, terrified I was going to get killed by this wild beast.

However, as the dream progressed, the ferocious bear showed me that she was actually very fond of me-- and my protector. She nuzzled me and leaned against me, all soft, warm, and furry, and I lost my fear completely and hugged and cuddled with her. We ran around on the snow in the woods together, along with Sugar-baby-bear, and had fun. I decided that the mother bear's name was really, "Angel," because that's what she was. (!) Before the dream ended, I got to see where Angel-bear used to live, in a small, chainlink cage, guarded by a man with a rifle. I stood by while I watched Angel transform into a werewolf type of creature (a Werebear, I guess) who was strong enough to bend steel and tear apart the cage. She snatched the rifle away from the man who tried to stop her from escaping and bulged her muscles out along her arms and legs as she bent it and threw it away. Then she proceeded to tear apart all the chainlink.

There she was, my Angel, a monster-- yet I no longer feared her. I knew she was my friend and was only standing by to assist should she need it. But she seemed only interested in freeing herself. She didn't even do anything to the rifle-man other than knock him aside.

Then my dream ended.

It was so odd, how deeply involved my emotions got in this dream, really getting attached to and bonding to this mother bear. And going from that stark fear to deep affection was a real trip, too. Even when she showed her "monster" side, I was okay with it. She was a protective mother figure, the way a mother is supposed to be-- in direct contrast to my own mother, who failed to protect me from an emotionally violent father, even when I begged her multiple times. Maybe Angel Bear came to fill that gap? I liked her and the dream a great deal. I even laughed to myself about how she killed stupid people who failed to help me (or refused to listen to me) in the previous dream after I woke up and thought about it.
tranquilityseekers: (blessing)
2015-10-15 02:48 pm
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Rays Freaked Out, Offer Compromise

[From June 2009]

I believe this next dream in my Dream Quest series is prompted or inspired from things I wrote an LJ friend about dreams and working out issues within one's Self that way. I've found it one of the most effective ways to deal with subconscious impulses and automatic reactions that aren't appreciated. You know, those unhealthy compulsive behaviors and uncontrollable emotions we have that drive us crazy? Yeah, those. We all got 'em-- but how to heal them?

It's a little like an internal war. The Waking Mind decides it wants something-- say, to stop eating when not hungry. Yet, when our minds wander, we'll find ourselves almost on autopilot, heading for the fridge...! Then we hate ourselves as we stuff our face! Who needs that shit? But most of us have a few versions of this sort of thing going on all the time. Why do I always quail inside when a family member calls? Why do I freak out and scream at my romantic partner when they act bored? Why do I...?

So I've come up with this system for labeling the aspects of ourselves in dreams. These dream characters almost always fall into one of several categories: Rays, Shadows, and Guides. Rays are created by things we hear growing up-- they are equivalent to a Superego, the programs begun by outside authority figures, including the almighty peer-group! Shadows are the result of those "rays" of false light-- they are the repressed aspects of the self, the Id if you will. The Guides are the wise and healthy aspects that seem to be connected to a Higher Self or Divine and true Light.

So! Here's what happened in my last dream:

I was in a house by a huge field with a mother aspect, an aspect reflective of Gerick, and several child aspects. We were just dinking around when suddenly I heard a jet plane [I'm guessing in real life one went overhead and inspired this next bit.] A small, one-man bright ORANGE jet roared by the house over the field really low, and then stopped, upended itself and parked. I was amazed, but I told the other aspects I was with that I thought we were about to get a visit. Sure enough, as I watched out the windows, a blond guy in an orange jump suit came out of the now parked jet, obviously the pilot ["autopilot" reference, anyone?] and knocked on the door. He had thick, blond, tousled hair (helmet hair!) and a perpetual smirk on his face. He didn't seem threatening, but I didn't trust him.

Gerick met him at the door while I took some photos of his unusual jet parked outside using a digital camera. To my surprise, it seemed this guy had come "to talk". His name was Raymond. [oh brother!] I shooed the kids upstairs, using that special small stairway only they and I can use (adult aspects can't use it to access the "attic" areas of houses.) The kids were acting up, running around (interestingly enough, one of them was black...) and arguing over who was going to use the bathroom. I patiently saw to them, reassuring them that they'd be okay. (I wanted them away from the guy downstairs- the kid aspects get kicked around a lot in my dreams, so I'm protective of them.)

By the time I came down, everyone-- the pilot, the mother and Gerick aspects-- were smiling and calm. Gerick happily told me that Raymond the pilot had come to offer a compromise!

But the grinning man was in a hurry to leave and so we followed him outside where he knocked his jet over to be horizontal so he could climb in and take off again. I was perturbed that he didn't wait to "talk" and offer his compromise until I was back down the stairs-- leaving me out while he negotiated something with the other aspects! Gerick once again told me that they were working out a way to "turn things around." I was looking at the orange plane and taking photos of the numbers on it when it came to me at last that I was in a dream! Finally I realized just what was happening-- the Rays were offering a compromise???

I stopped the pilot from getting in his plane by pushing him back, "Wait a minute! You can't negotiate ANYTHING with these guys (gesturing to mother and Gerick), only with ME! I'm the Waking Mind! I am the I am, dammit! You're a Ray associated with my MOTHER programs, hense the orange colors. What the hell do you want?"

The guy's smirk left his face abruptly. He fiddled with his helmet nervously, but looked me in the eye all the same, "Look, we're just trying to come to an agreement about all of this..."

And then we were talking, about how I knew the Rays were losing power-- and now it's very obvious that they're scared I'm wrecking their plans and positions. Apparently, they feel I side with the Shadows too much. Well, I pointed out to him, after having blatent abuse by them of other aspects like Frances, and the boy writer Tim and girl artist Tina, what the hell ELSE were they expecting from me? "You treat parts of me like enemies, when they don't do anything wrong! Your overall values are messed up-- including yours, oh Autopilot from the Mommy Programs! If you're even pretending to want to compromise, you guys must be really worried about your future!"

Meanwhile, at this point, in the background an Imogen Heap song started playing, which, thinking about it now, seems apropos...


Lyrics to: Have You Got It In You:

It takes a lot-- to be always on form
It takes a lot...
Or maybe not. All the time, all I've got…
Maybe not...

(Forget it...) [repeats]

Been one of those days-- (forget it...)
Safety first, don't push-- (forget it...) What's the hurry? (forget it...)
One nerve remaining-- (forget it...)  Waiting on one look….(forget it...)
Have you got it? (forget it, forget it...)
Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?

All at once, not a whisper, no word.
Then all at once…

(Let me have it all, let me have it-- Battle on!
Easy target, lock and reach!  Jus- just get it over with!)
It's getting worse, against all the odds…
It's getting worse!
(Bow down. Floor's yours!  Last man standing. Can we- just get it over with?)

(Forget it...) [repeats]

Been one of those days…(Forget it...)
Safety first, don't push... (Don't push me…) What's the hurry..?
Cause there's one nerve remaining. Waiting on one look-- (One look now…)
Have you got it?
Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?

Blue, blue…they make me blue…
(Head down, quick! Take cover, big girl in the mood!)
Blue you, make me any more blue?

(Long spin-- shout! Power clean right out- of your suit!)

Been one of those days…
Safety first, don't push…what's the hurry?
One nerve remaining, waiting on one look…have you got it?
Have you got it in you?
[~repeat to end~]
.

And then I gave him a message for the Rays, direct from me, "Here's how it's going to work. There will be NO compromise, see? No, what you're getting from me is an ULTIMATUM. IF you guys want to be a part of the system, you have to change your strategy-- you need to stop bullying the Shadows, casting your false Lucifer light, and start being forces of LOVE in my mind. You need to be Rays of Divine Light, who tell my other aspects kind and encouraging things. You've been causing fear, sadness, and rage in my Shadows for years. If you REALLY want to take away from the power of the Shadows, you have to give them courage, happiness, and peace instead. This isn't rocket science..." and then I paused to look at the rocket-like jet, appreciating the irony. "Work with me and help me to make things better for ALL of us. We've been trying it your way for almost 40 years now and just LOOK where it got us! Now we do it MY way."

He was silent, but then surprised me by saying, "So... what's with the Elves?"

I was stunned he mentioned them, but quickly recovered and explained truthfully, "They're my attempt to create BETTER, more healing Rays. You guys suck so much I've been actively trying to replace you with aspects who are more angelic and beautiful. Who are healthy and compassionate and peaceful. Who will help to nurture and encourage my poor beleagured Shadows..." And at that point I stopped, thinking of Frances, who I sent to the Elves but later found being tortured by other Rays again.

At this point, I started to wake up-- but Raymond the Pilot was able to read my mind about Frances and he said, "She left the Elves because she felt unworthy of their love." And he quirked an eyebrow at me as if to say: 'See how messed up and pathetic those Shadows are? What else can you expect of them?'

I shook my head, "But that's just what I'm talking about, this crap has got to stop..."  and I woke up.


I think I'm pleased with this new development. It means my RE-programming is working. My bad habits are subsiding. I'm not just reacting to events, I'm acting very consciously and with thoughtfulness. Actually getting a direct communication to the Ray-system is awesome. More progress!

On another note, the Imogen Heap song is a VERY POWERFUL message from my Rays that I didn't appreciate until I was awake and searching for the lyrics and such to get the meaning of it. I didn't remember most of the words consciously, but obviously my Dreaming Mind is very aware, and my GOD are those lyrics ever appropriate to the situation! Like WHOA! I'm the "big girl in a mood" for example, and the "they" that make the Rays "blue" are the Shadows and "you" is referring to me! hmmm...
tranquilityseekers: stone head (strength)
2015-10-01 03:08 pm
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The Attic Games & Acid Attack

[From August 2008]

Just woke up from a very disturbing dream, worse in some ways because I never became lucid in the dream, and so had no chance to answer the next challenge presented...

I was visiting a house where 2 aspects (who were brother & sister) lived that I used to play with. They were now adults. One looked like Steve Austin (the actor Lee Majors) the Six-Million-Dollar Man, only he was in a wheelchair. The other was an aspect named Oneida who looked a little like my cousin Lisa and a little like my mother. They talked about all the good times we had together as kids, but I couldn't recall what they were talking about-- only that I knew I had spent time with them before. Then they talked me into going up into the attic to check out some special things.

Though we were all adults now, I still knew how to get up there and they followed me. They kept talking about how I'd want to get certain special things for my husband to sell on Ebay as we pushed "Steve" around on his wheelchair. We came to one really cool area, but the doorway through crossed a small set of tracks, and they were scared to go there because they heard "the 3rd rail" was electrified and would hurt them. At that point, I was realizing how much I didn't really like these particular people after all, and so lied and told them it was true, we couldn't possible squeeze through the door and not touch that dreaded 3rd rail -- but I remembered crossing it before. I just didn't want those people going into all my secret places.

Then "Steve" told me they had already found one door to a room that was filled with all sorts of toys and momentos from their "big brother's past" that were going to be sold. They said go ahead and get what I wanted from it, since it didn't matter to them. I was relieved that they were giving up on that other secret attic area, but disturbed to realize that the "Big Brother's Room" was another place that should have been inaccessible. I went in and it was filled with all sorts of things that were popular as entertainment or sports from the 80s and 90s. I acted as if I didn't like any of it (and I really didn't care for most of it) but then I spied some rare consol horror adventure games, called The 13 Stories and I grabbed all of them (there were 3 parts), hugged them to my chest, and quickly darted to the attic's exit door. Steve suddenly stood up out of his wheelchair and began to walk towards me, and I realized I'd been had-- bigtime. The whole scenario was a set up to grant them access to my secret attic. These weren't my friends at all. They were dangerous enemies! Steve asked me what the name of the video games I grabbed were, and I lied and said it was just something I knew my husband would like-- to sell, not for any other reason. I kept them close to me so he couldn't possibly tell what they were. I made an excuse and I fled the house.

Then things jumped ahead to later on in the day...

I had successfully stashed the games, I knew, but now Oneida was hanging out with me outside. She was pushing her brother's wheelchair (which I knew was bogus thing, as he could walk fine.) I managed to get Steve off on his own going in the wrong direction to find an aspect (a friend) who supposedly I'd sold the games to... anything to misdirect the guy and get him away from me!

So I found myself with Oneida, alone, and she was intent on giving me advice on things I needed to do with my mentally handicapped sister to keep her "in line." I thought she was talking about Erica, of course, and at first I pretended to go along with her because I was just trying to placate her long enough to find an excuse to get away. However! She told me things I needed to do to my "retard" sibling that were so mean that I told her she was nuts outright to think of such a thing. Her point was that I should do what I needed to do to remind her of what she owed me so that she'd be obligated to do what I wanted. 

Then she said my retard sister was at her house-- at the end of the culdesac! 

I raced to the house, fearful of what this psycho would do to my sister, and she loped along beside me, excited, like it was all a part of the plan she had in mind to "teach my sister a lesson she'd never forget." I was utterly appalled and pushed my way into the smallish house to search for my sibling, who I was now intent on rescuing. Meanwhile, she had begun acting like a mothering figure and making herself busy in the kitchen, making dinner or something. And I heard cries of pain!

I ran to the bathroom where the sounds were coming from, and a young woman was wet and bald and funny looking, like her skin had slightly melted! Oneida explained that she had taught this girl a lesson by tricking her into drinking ACID! And Oneida was laughing about it.  The girl, meanwhile, was trying to sooth her burning skin with water from the sink, wailing in utter desolation! I was completely shocked and realized I needed to call the police AND an ambulance! I was trying to remember what to do in cases of poisoning with caustic substances-- you don't want the victim to regurgitate.... But I also realized this wasn't my sister Erica, it was someone else.

Oneida was completely pleased with herself, you could tell. She was humming as she briskly went about her business, completely ignoring the freaking out young woman who was obviously being severely tortured! I looked for a phone to call for help, but as I turned, I saw the girl come out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, gagging as water came out of her mouth, unable to be swallowed! At the same time I witnessed this horrific scene, I realized that she looked VERY familiar! I knew her-- and seeing her face, all warped and pasty and just horrifying, I was determined to grab her and and get out of the house and to a neighbor's to call for help. 

I was so upset that I woke myself up. And it was only then that I remembered who the girl was: Frances, from this dream, an aspect I'd already rescued once before. As the realization hit me, lying there in bed, a wave of cold when through my body physically. I felt sick to my stomach at the thought that Frances was reaquired by the Bad Rays.

Interp is easy-- my Rays are fighting back and they're getting better at being sneaky. The attic scene was to get into places grown-up aspects can't normally go (except for me) in order to find out what was precious to me-- so they could hurt me for it or take it away (from me or my other aspects, I mean.) Steve pretended to be crippled so I'd help him, and Oneida pretended to be my long-time friend. I suspect the Big Brother they were referring to would be my Father aspect (the serial killer of my Child Aspects.) The belongings in the attic room were like what you'd expect to find in a spoiled teenagers room, including training equipment for building muscles-- and my father was always more like an bullying big brother to me than he was a father. He was the spoiled child of my mother's house for sure in real life, so it makes sense he'd be translated that way in my dreams. Also, I had this recent dream that pointed to a "Big Bad" who was also equally elusive and dangerous. The name of the games I took and didn't tell him about were in reference to the short story series I'm writing, all sort of Lovecraftian Horror style creations of mine.

Oneida, later in the dream, apparently forgot herself and gave away what she was doing to another aspect of mine she described as my retard sister-- my Shadow Aspect Frances, who represents Motivation and Anticipation of Reward, described in the last dream as my sister as well. She seemed to be trying to train me to do what she was doing, and this Ray was literally torturing Frances, directly attacking my Motivation and Reward functions! Beyond anything she'd ever done to her before, you could tell-- Frances herself was unprepared for what had happened and beside herself with what to do... Her beautiful long black hair (changed to white and then red in the last dream with her in it) was gone, and her pretty clothes, and even her face was all wrong. This part I can see as being related to my own reactions at seeing myself in photos-- shocked and appalled. I know rationally I don't look that bad, but I reacted automatically with severe shame at seeing myself. I posted some photos anyway, in defiance of that shame, because I know I'm over-reacting. Frances, however, was NOT over-reacting. She was literally reeling in bewildered, horrific, pain. But her lips and voice were the same. She is communicating still-- she isn't wholly beaten then...

I woke up before being able to help her, but at least I recognized her and was able to realize something: The fucked up control aspects of my psyche are upping the ante in order to counter attack and destroy all the progress I've been making-- and they're trying to punish me for making the effort in the first place. Who knew there were parts of me that hated other parts SO MUCH?! It's completely unnecessary... all this self-torture. I feel so frustrated because my efforts to heal the damage of my past are being thwarted at every turn, by both life in general and by my own inner Evil Rays or Negative Programs. And shame was/is the method of control!  Argh! =^0

...Also? I break out in nervous hives all over my face, neck, chest, and upper arms when I'm severely stressed out/anxious/scared. The pattern of the burned skin looked very much the way I do when I feel deeply embarrassed or ashamed to the point of a panic attack! I think its interesting that Frances when attacked shows this emotional trauma on her person. So weird but interesting!

tranquilityseekers: spirit touch (mercy)
2015-09-17 02:19 pm
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A Wild Card Guide -- the Jester, Says Hello!

[From Nov. 2009]

I just awoke from a very strange dream-- fun and bizarre.

Lately, I've had a thing for Cillian Murphy. What can I say-- he's tasty, but also intriguing-- a deadly combination for my libido it would seem! Anyway, I was dreaming that I was younger, in my 20s, and meeting with my boyfriend who just happened to look like Cillian. We were basically exploring this little town in Ireland somewhere.
I realized this was the strange Faery Jester man from a dream I had a long time ago, and awoke.

This Aspect is one I'm not well familiar with. He's like a wild card-- a maverick or rogue before McCain and Palin ruined those terms. He's playful, but loving towards me. Though he might seem frightening because of his great power... I find him reassuring for some reason. Him jumping into Cillian's role in my dream made me laugh, but also touched my heart a little. I can't help but notice that both in his bowler hat and top hat he's got a thing for the whole IRISH theme. Duly noted.

Also, he seems too powerful, wise, and weird to be an Aspect. I have come to believe he's a Sliver Chakra Guide. He has all these odd ways to point things out to me and 'make a bigger picture out of the pieces'. At first, I was a bit uncomfortable with him, but I've come to learn how helpful and good at teaching me he really is.
tranquilityseekers: touch goddess (invocation)
2015-09-17 02:04 pm
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Bad Drivers, Doll-makers, & An Angry Tribal Spirit

[From July 2008]

Wow. I just had a doozy of a dream at 4 in the morning. I had to get up and share once I was awake enough to write cogently!

 The first part of the dream was a repeat of several dreams I've been having the last 3 or 4 months that involve my being with my family (sometimes with my father along, sometimes not-- as in real life he's dead.) The family aspects seem to be getting ready to move or something, and for some reason my mother who was driving hands the driver's seat to my sister, Erica. She can't drive in real life, and in the dreams she's not so good at it. She drives on the wrong side of the road, she weaves and swerves all over the place. Luckily, traffic is low and the other drivers on the road manage to avoid hitting us. In several of the dreams, I'm giving my sister driving lessons (though in real life, I don't drive either...!) and I can see over time that her driving is improving. 

[I know that driving in dreams is indicative of steering your life, of being in charge of yourself and your own path. My mother aspect used to drive me around, but now I seem to be showing sister aspect how to do it. I don't know why I don't just do it myself--! What's going on with that part of the repeating dream, anyway?]

Read more... )

tranquilityseekers: stone head (strength)
2015-09-03 01:51 pm
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Shadow Tenement Neighborhood, Prostitutes & Power Girl

[From April 2008]

Given my last breakthrough in the dreaming world, I was eager to see if there would be any discernable shifts in my dreaming patterns afterwards. IF I truly figured something significant out, then the repeating aspect of the Yuppie Ray Neighborhood should disappear and something new should come forward.

Just the very next morning, I got my answer! 

This morning I awoke from a dream in which I was walking around and exploring a clausterphobically situated yet nearly deserted port-city and it's tenement neighborhood. The buildings were all cast in grays and browns, everything seemed to be about 3 to 4 stories tall (like in much older sections of most cities) and there was a look of aged neglect. 

I was wandering about, various things popping in and out as they do in most dreams, when a small, white car whizzed by-- stopped, and then started doing all these crazy maneuvers-- including shifting it's size and shape like no ordinary vehicle could ever do. I saw it had writing in SILVER on it's side like cab companies do that read: ORB EXPRESS. And that broke me into the "lucid" zone where I realized that was a dream car-- the white color and "orb" being cues from a Higher Self Guide that this was the next segment of my on-going Dream Quest.

Once I was firmly "awake" in the dream, I allowed the dream to manifest as it would to see what would happen. A woman got out of the white car, but she wasn't Mimi White. Instead, it was a lady in a mustard colored dress (yellow chakra Guide?!) and she came out, and began talking to me about "the next client." I was soon to meet the person in question, as a shabbily dressed woman wearing a sort of loud fushia and tight jeans came walking across the street, and she seemed very low class-- like a prostitute or something. She had with her a little girl dressed in lemon yellow, who seemed shy. I tried to speak with the young girl, realizing the atmosphere she was in wasn't ideal for her. The "social worker" in dark yellow and I followed both of them up the stairs to their tiny apartment to talk about various and sundry, and then the alarm went off, prematurely waking me from the dream.

THIS scenario seems completely turned around from the one I just bested.

The White Car with Silver-- acting crazy-- was a delivery from spirit (White) via the Silver Crown "Jester" Chakra. He (seems to manifest as male so far) helped trigger my changed view of things within the dream.

The low-class, garish woman was an obvious Shadow (repressed! repressed! ME act "low-class"? NEV-AIR! *sniff*) [LATER NOTE: A Prostitute Archetype!] and she held sway over an apparent undeveloped Ray-- who manifested as a child! In Yellow! Which, combined with the Gold of the social worker, would indicate that I will be addressing my fundamental problems with my Yellow Chakra at last. (Yellow solar-plexus chakra is associated with status, social power, personal will, etc.) I'm guessing my ability to use social power is under-developed, like the child the Prostitute was protecting/raising.

The switch between neighborhoods is also striking. At least some of my Shadows live in mental constructs that resemble slums-- only the old style kind you'd expect from the 1920s to the 1940s. It was a bit Lovecraftian, actually-- which will make the exploration that much more engaging. (Why is it Shadows always live in really cool places and Rays don't, anyway? It's pretty funny, actually

Looks like my next set of dreams will be quite interesting!
tranquilityseekers: spirit touch (mercy)
2015-08-20 11:11 am
Entry tags:

Healing the Shadow of Motivation/Anticipation

[Originally posted June 2008]

I just woke up (note time) from a really powerful healing dream. As per my quest, it ended up being relevatory to the nth degree. I used another orb (the last small one) necklace, if that tells you anything. And I woke up crying pretty hard, but I feel better now having addressed the issues the dream brought up.

Read more... )

Damn. That was a big one. I can't believe how that whole thing went down!

Now-- back to bed to sleep the sleep of the righteous. =^)

tranquilityseekers: blue dancers (friendship)
2015-08-13 12:29 pm
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Creepy Motels Closing & Elves In the News

[Original post April 2008]

Apparently, I am advancing in my dream work in a very serious way. That healing of the 2 Rays must have jump-started all kinds of changes throughout my subconscious! I noticed the very next morning that my dreams were changing dramatically. Over the last week or so, I've begun a new story pattern, and many of the familiar elements of my dreams are "relenting" at last.

The most dramatic example of these changes came to me this morning at dawn. I was dreaming that I was living in the old Star Motel of my 15th year. I have been visiting this place in my dreams for years! It's where the father Ray killed a bunch of my child aspects many years ago (or-- more precisely-- suppressed them into Shadowdom and then sent them to live with mean Rays.) It looks like a one-story, roadside motel common to the side of highways in more remote areas. It's bleak, rundown, and uber-creepy. There's often majorly terrible and melodramatic stories going on in dreams at that dream location, and I am often dodging serial killers or avoiding madmen, or dealing with travelers who have terrible attitudes (when I help run the motel.)

THIS time I noticed: It was winter (which it's never been before) and night, and the motel was finally closing down and plans were in the works to tear the old place down. I made the decision to turn off the Vacancy sign and stop accepting guests. I accepted a bunch of empty boxes from other Aspects who came by to help me move. And I went outside and cuddled up in an old VW bug, wrapped in blankets and watching the snow fall as I waited for another aspect to come join me so we could proceed with our permanent move out of the motel. It was a bizarre moment when I finally became lucid for just a few minutes-- and it was when I was sitting in that old car, looking out the back window (which I realized was missing-- the car wasn't working, apparently, and I was just taking a temporary break in it.) I watched the snow fall, realizing I was in a dream, complimenting my own artistic creative side for the lovely scene, and feeling a real sense of peace.

One of the last scenes of the dream I was opening up a newspaper that had just been delivered. I saw stories about my life all over it, but one small one caught my eye to the far right of the front page: It was the story told by yet another of my Aspects who had tried to seduce and play around with one of the more naive and romantically inclined Elves (who are a new and purposefully created element in my dreams!) and got kicked out of the Elven Enclave for it. He mentioned running into an Aspect (it actually SAID the word "aspect" in the newspaper!) that was very musically inclined-- a young man named "Tryst"-- that the Elves found precious and so they were encouraging his creativity!!

Wow! That means that other suppressed creative Shadows are being rescued and nurtured by the Elves!! Without me directing the process consciously like I had to the first time! I can't tell you how absolutely awesome that is!

Meanwhile, the creepy, threatening "haunts" of my dark and painful youth are losing their power in my dreaming mind world. All to the good and very hopeful signs of my progress! 

LATER NOTE: I never had another father murders kids at motel dream again-- so yeah!
tranquilityseekers: scarf lady (wisdom)
2015-08-06 01:18 pm
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Rays Beat Up Teen Shadows, White Guide Returns

[Original post April 2008]

Wow. I've been feeling like I haven't been working on my spiritual side very much or very well here for many months now, but it turns out the reason I've had so many issues come up so powerfully is BECAUSE my dream-work is really digging out all my deeply rooted problems. This morning (note the time!) I had a break through! Several things came together and clicked for me at last...


I was visiting one of these sort of yuppie neighborhoods I go to quite often in my dreams. It's got the picture perfect landscaping and siding-- everything is well kept and sort of bland. There are lots of winding roads and hills and it's all sort of maze-like and it's easy to get lost there.

I keep having dreams, at least once a week, in which I ride a bicycle through this obviously Ray-dominated neighborhood-- because Rays are all about following rules from outside the self, and apparently my Rays are yuppie, racist, classist, SNOBS with no imagination and little compassion. They're white bread, anal-retentive, authoritative, so-and-sos! I mean, I have some crazy Rays based upon my mother and father, but the majority of Rays I have are the "THEY" of society who have been telling me my whole life what is right and how one should be and act. My programs come from an upper-middle-class skewed version of American society. By exploring this neighborhood of Rays, over and over again, visiting the houses and their inhabitants, I've learned a lot about all the messages that have become "automatic responses" from these Rays. (A perfect example of this sort of Ray-type character on TV is Bree from Desperate Housewives.)

Now, there's been a lot of "to-do" about "those nasty Shadow aspects" in psychic and spiritual self-help books. The better ones tell you that you need to accept, understand, and even embrace certain Shadows. Apparently, from my dream work, this is not my biggest problem, as I started working with my Shadow aspects since my late teens at least. No, it's the Rays (automatic programs from parents, authority figures, and society-at-large) that are really screwing me up. ANYWAY--!

I was doing one of my routine "ride thru-- walk thru" visits in a portion of the neighborhood that I'd never visited before when anyone was home. (I distinctly remember poking around when everyone was out more than once, though!) I had followed some teenagers into the house who were visiting their friends who lived there. I was happy to meet these people, because the son was a writer, and the daughter liked to draw. The teen boy-- about 17-- dressed kinda like a droopy, grunge-goth, whereas the teen girl-- about 14-- had dyed pink hair with a black streak. I liked 'em! It was weird, because I didn't expect creative kids to be living in such a neighborhood.

Suddenly, there was a huge commotion, because the parents came home, and they didn't like the two teenagers who lived there to have visitors (or friends at all.) The friends all started sneaking out of windows and back doors. I lingered, not quite sure how to get past the insanely uptight parents of these kids. Then I heard the father and mother confront the son, "Tim" or something, and it was really, really bad. They were yelling and cussing at him in a really scary way that sounded like the precursors to violence. The daugher, "Tina" or something, gave me one of those looks-- the look of shame and resignation abuse victims give (it's unmistakable)-- and she urged me to leave with the others, "Save yourself! You can't help us here..." and she escorted me to the front door to sneak out. And I WAS scared, so I went out and started to run down the driveway, trying to think of a way to memorize the house # and send help once I got away.


At the bottom of the driveway (the house was on a slight incline from the street) I stopped because I heard the boy being confronted. The "father" had found not only that other teens were visiting, but that Tim was writing again! I heard the words, "Don't you know how useless this is!? It's a fucking waste of time!" and then I heard sounds of the boy being beaten, maybe even tortured! He yelled, moaned, screamed as I stood there, frozen in horror, unable to move forward or back-- guilt and fear warring with one another. And I looked back up at the house, and then I remembered something....

-- I became LUCID and realized I was dreaming!

I realized I had been to that particular house again and again in prior dreams. But never when anyone was home. WHY!? Something about what was happening there needed MY attention! Also-- since this was a dream, it was MY domain-- and certain aspects of me were hurting other aspects of me, aspects I'd just met and LIKED! I gathered my resolve and ran back into the house!

I found the mother leaning over the pink-haired Tina in the kitchen-- not yelling, just clenching her teeth and telling the girl off in this hateful way while forcing Tina to sit there by grasping the girl's arm hard enough to bruise it. Realizing this was a Ray bullying a Shadow, I got all pissed off and resolute. "HEY, BITCH! STOP THAT! LET HER GO! NOW!" and Tina looked at me in absolute shock. The mother looked at me, surprised but ready to come after me as well, but I grabbed her and seated her in a kitchen nook chair. "Listen up and listen good. I am the WAKING MIND. I'm the one in fucking charge here, and I don't like what you're doing. You're supposed to work for ME!? Get it?! ME! I'm your fucking boss-- and I revoke permission for you to treat other parts of me like this!" and I gestured to Tina. Then I explained to Tina very quickly what was going on, and I used my powers to "stick" the mother (not MY mother, just an adult woman who played the authority role in that particular household) to the chair I sat her in.

Then I ran for the bedroom upstairs where Tim was getting thrashed!
(And I actually had to cry after I awoke to what I saw there.)

Tim was curled up, hiding under a desk-- while this big asshole kept telling him over and over how he'd never make it, how terrible a writer he was-- no one would ever want to read his work, on and on-- and there was blood all over the room, and Tim himself had bruises and cuts and his clothes were bloody. He was whimpering, and he was protesting, "I was just playing around. I won't let anyone read my stuff-- I swear! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" 

Knowing intellectually that parts of myself are harmful to me (other parts of myself) is one thing. Confronting an entire subconscious drama worthy of Cops is something else altogether. But to witness how awful those terrible critical voices can be to the younger, freer, more creative and precious parts of myself helps me to realize just how much I don't deserve to hear it. There's enough hostility towards me "out there"-- I don't need enemies living inside of me, too!

I just yelled, "STOP!" and used my powers (hey, in lucid dreams I can do freaking ANYTHING, even fly!) to pick up the father-type authority guy and bring him downstairs to stick him to another kitchen nook chair. Tina went in and found her "brother" and brought him downstairs to the kitchen behind me. He was injured and leaning on his "sister" and sort of shaking in relief. Meanwhile, I gagged both Ray adults while I was at it. I knew I couldn't kill or destroy them-- but what could I do with them, really? I didn't know. For now, I just wanted to find a better "home" for my creative teen Shadow aspects.

I led them outside and brought a flying car (my lucid dream, my vehicle, my way!) and we quickly went to a newer Realm I've been creating on purpose in my dreams: Elven Haven. It's a mixture of Rivendell and Lothlorien as portrayed in the LOTR movies.


I figured the Elves would be better nurturing authority figures to these damaged aspects of myself, so that was to be their new home of hope. The Elves took them in, of course, and then I just teleported back to that kitchen. I knew I'd be waking up at any time, so I had to hurry.... my lucidity had started to fade out a couple of times already!

I stared at the woman and man held to the chairs, who glared back at me like they had every right in the world to do what they did and how dare I stop them? They didn't get it. And I was flummoxed... so I called my White Chakra Guide to please come advise me. (And she always manifests as the actress Mimi Rogers/Lena Olin...) She appeared and already knew the problem. I asked her what I should do, and she said, " Well, don't you remember those 4 glass balls of light I gave you?"  OH-- yeah....! She had given me 4 pendants: 1 large glass ball of light, and 3 smaller ones-- "for the dark times" when I "didn't know what else to do."  Mimi told me to put each one of 2 of the smaller pendants around the necks of these Bully Ray aspects! So I did. And the dim light from the glass balls started to build and build and then to penetrate the Rays-- giving them spirtual insight and compassion. I understood that the pendants were meant for THEM all along-- the necklaces heal spiritually sick parts of me lost in the dark! This was all pre-arranged by my Higher Self, again as portrayed by this Mimi Rogers/Lena Olin look-alike!

I could tell I'd be waking up soon-- as I heard Gerick shift in bed-- and I wanted to understand a little more. I asked Mimi to explain, and she said that this "Realm" of the neighborhood I'd been exploring in dreams over and over again for many months now was THE Realm I'd been sent to take on when she'd led me there in the first place. And I'd just figured a huge part of it out!


Then I asked her how these creative aspects (Shadows since they're supressed) ended up living HERE? --In this yuppie neighborhood mental construct Realm? Mimi White (the color of the chakra I'll use for a last name with all the Guides, I believe, to help keep them straight) reminded me of the powerful dream I had where my Father Ray turned out to be "killing" my Child Selves.

She told me that of course you can't really kill any part of yourself off, only suppress it. So what ended up happening is that my real father's words and behaviors to me did enough damage to parts of me that they ended up being too weak to fight off the powerful suppressing Rays that came later-- messages trying to keep me "down" by envious people like my cousin Lisa or various peers I've had-- and so these child aspects ended up living under the power of particular Rays, who took it upon themselves as a job to prevent these parts of me from accomplishing anything, because that would be too "uppity."  Being uppity was what my Rays taught me NOT to do when I was a child in a stark survival situation with a violent father. For survival's sake, I had to quell things like pride, artisitic talent, and free expression-- because such things might have got me killed for real by such a crazy alcoholic father. However, he's dead now and I'm an adult of 38 years and I don't need to quell myself anymore! But the Rays are survival programs, they don't adapt to new realities very easily-- so they continue the programs even when I don't need them anymore-- even to the point where they hurt me far more than they help me. That was what the psychological chakra Dream Quest was mostly about (the rest was health issues.)

OH....

Humorously, though still astonished, I looked at her and asked, "WHY MIMI ROGERS?" And she smiled and said that the nurturing figure image was a part of it, so was the name: "Mimi" or ME- ME! And I started laughing, and woke myself up.

I'm really excited that I've finally figured this part out and 'rescued' some creative aspects and put them in a place where they can hopefully feel safe to come out and be who they were meant to be-- creative and free to explore the realms of the imagination-- without feeling ashamed or put down or vulnerable or frightened. And I further wonder what part of me is SO DARK that it needs just one BIG glass ball necklace to heal it? Hmmmm.... I get the feeling I'll find out here soon, now that I know how the ball pendants work! Thanks, "Me-me"!

tranquilityseekers: dove girl (innocence)
2015-07-30 12:14 pm
Entry tags:

The Penny Man & the Belly Woman At the Faire

[Original post July 2007]

I am beginning to have amazing dreams again and the one I had this morning was excellent. In it, I was at a Faire, an SCA type of event, making my way as a sort of psychic-hustler (a real psychic who tried to get people to part with a little more of their money than they perhaps might have to begin with.) The dream started off with me just enjoying socializing with fellow gypsies and dancers and readers at the Faire...

I was delighted to run into some guy playing a ranger named "Vance" or some such thing. Everyone knew of him, he was one of those fringe-group near-celebrities that tend to haunt such events. I thought he was hot, though, and planned to ask him to my tent (hubba hubba!) But I couldn't find him when sunset came and I sought out my campsite. So I went off to the area I found. 

It was the very beginning of Faire, with mostly vendors and such setting up, and there was an area still mainly empty (the entire Faire was fenced in with propped up wooden fences.)  I had found a large section of fence missing in this still unused part of the Faire and was camping behind it on this nice outcrop overlooking a copse of woods and a stream down below. My cousin Lisa and her hubby Cullen were there, so it seemed in this alternate life of the dream we were still on speaking terms. (In addition, I was single and not married and had a different name and all that.) After checking in with them and helping, I left to go seach for my ranger guy. It was now dusk.

I saw a strange man wearing a bowler hat approach me in this empty area of mainly weeds and earth. He seemed to be checking out the Faire grounds and he and I ended up in a "session" where I did psychic readings on him. He was so pleased he paid me in gold! Then, he bent down and looked at me, and I saw his eyes were not normal-- they were very much dilated and odd. I knew he wasn't any ordinary human then, and I was taken aback. He said, "You may keep the gold I gave you, you certainly earned it, but take this penny too-- for luck. It's worth more than the gold."

And he was right, I knew, but I couldn't say why. He held it up for me to see. It was a giant copper coin, like an Irish penny-- silver dollar sized-- and had a lyre on one side and a toad on the other. He made sure I saw the images on each side of the coin before pressing the coin into my hand. I thanked him.

The dream jumped to a few days later, further into the Faire. I had found my ranger and he was with me in my tent every night now, and I was quite jolly about this. I met with a bunch of more "normal" women (not deep Faire insiders like me) having a good time, laughing and having a luncheon. They talked about how they needed a psychic medium for something, and I mentioned casually that I was one-- "not a really GOOD one, but passable I think," I told them. Just then an ENORMOUSLY pregnant woman came into the large tent pavillion, and she joked that she had to press her belly into people so she could bless them. The woman was SO gravid as to be absurd, and the notion of being touched by her was more than a little off-putting. So she pressed her belly to one woman and then another while I watched wide-eyed. What was this all about, anyway? And then I hunched and turned as she pressed her belly against me. She said, "I'm giving my blessing to... the THIRD one I touched." Which was me.

And then I awoke.It was a very long and involved dream. More like living a second life it went on so long!


I'm sure I know what the dream means. It seemed to convey good fortune all around. The penny I took to mean excellent luck with my "muse" (the lyre) and my health (the toad.)  He was giving me a blessing of sorts, apparently because my ability to come up with stories for my "hustle" while yet still genuinely helping people (at the Faire in the dream) impressed him. I believe he's some sort of "Shadow Guide" if there is such a thing. An aspect of the Jester, who is the Light side of the Dark Trickster. The gravid woman seemed to be blessing me with fertility, but in other dreams-- its never about actual reproduction, but rather about creative output. Writing mostly. I "give birth" to my creative writing projects.

I used to get the Jester egg every year when we picked eggs from a basket for my pagan group. 4 years in a row! There was usually 8 to 12 eggs (depending upon how many people were there) and I got the damned Jester egg without fail! I came to dread it and the other members were vastly amused. I took the hint and set out to learn about the Trickster in his many forms (including Crow and Fox, by the way!) 

The Dreamquest dreams often have Guides, and some are identifiable by the colors they use in rose symbols. The Jester has rainbows and multiple colors and metallics (gold/silver) so I bet he's the Crown Chakra Guide!! WEIRDNESS. The symbolism completely fits this whole system that seems to be already in place, and yet who would have thunk it?!?

(I should get a confirming dream if I've figured it out. Guides are great about that type of thing.)




tranquilityseekers: 3 faces (relationships)
2015-07-16 12:06 pm
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Dreams of Prostitution

[Original June 2007]

I awoke from a rather different sort of a dream for me-- first I hired and then WAS a prostitute!

The dream began with me walking down along a covered walkway somewhere in Nevada in an area where protitution was legalized. I was in an area like a bunch of 1 story hotel rooms with hookers for hire within. I passed several johns and their hired sex-workers. I ignored them all, acting very casual, very non-judgmental, even though inwardly I winced when I saw a 12 year old girl pulling a 14 year old boy into her room. I just kept walking, intent upon my own goal.

I glanced into my hands and I had two numbers, on key-tags, # 2 and # 3. When I reached the right room, I was ushered inside by 2 women. One of their clients was just leaving-- a man. I was their next customer. I came in and sat down and wondered what I should ask for... I didn't want to do anything really sexual out of fear of contamination from some STD or something. I got this "free" service for some reason-- as if I won a contest or something, because this wasn't normally my "thing." I had decided to ask for a "sensual massage." That would feel really good. I told them what I wanted-- and ended up on some sort of giant beanbag bed! 

Before the massage got going, though, some new clients and hookers were coming in, and it seems I was set up-- in fact, I was there to service some really wealthy silver-haired dude! I looked out the window and an older gentleman was stepping out of a Rolls Royce type vintage vehicle-- I think it was aqua color. From a distance, he didn't look bad or anything, and it was kind of flattering for anyone to go to such lengths just because they wanted sex with ME... but!

I took off out the back door, running across grassy hills and fields with my would-be lover/john in pursuit. He used his car and the roads, however, so I had the distinct advantage of being able to out-maneuver him. I ducked into this old abandoned house-- and it turned out to be haunted by the ghosts of angry children. They had captured a bunch of cats and made them live upside down....  The cats could actually live on the ceiling and the bottoms of furniture because the ghost made gravity backwards for the cats, so that in the house the cats fell UP. Total weirdness! The cats were a nervous bunch, let me tell you!

INTERP: Ah- this one isn't very flattering. It seems that when I make a 'deal' and its my turn to 'pay up' I run away from the responsibility. The reason is related to deep anger from my childhood, of feeling like I have already paid enough? The cats-- are all about super high levels of anxiety I can tell. "Like a cat on a ceiling." I'm afraid I can't handle the give and take of adult power plays due to some screwy issues.


LATER NOTE: I am greatly amused now that I'm learning about archetype aspects and how everyone has an "Inner Prostitute." I think I can check that off my list with a "Confirmed."
tranquilityseekers: scarf lady (wisdom)
2015-07-02 11:57 am
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Nazis, Hitler Mother & Mermaids

[Original post April 2007]

Goodness, but I'm having a bunch of memorable dreams lately! It's like dreams that are lucid or even remembered come in waves and then I'm back to not remembering my dreams again for awhile.

Last night I had one where I snuck in to a secret meeting of my Rays. Hey-- I know they 'spy' on me (and who is 'ME' in this system, anyway?) and so turn-about is fair play, right?

Read more... )

Seems the Rays have a whole "control thing" all set up, smooth as silk, to manipulate how I, the conscious mind, perceives things in the internal monitor role. Makes me very suspicious of my own critical internal voices, let me tell you!

Much later, early this morning, I dreamt that Shannon Dougherty was swimming in a pond getting tiny mermaids to help her find hidden clues and treasures under the water. I have a suspicion about the meaning of that one, as it should indicate diving into my emotional life to learn important things. Seems apropos.

tranquilityseekers: blue face (spiritual)
2015-06-25 11:38 am
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Purple Chakra Guides = Totem Foxes & Crows??

[Original post April 2007]

This morning I awoke from a very unusual type of dream for me-- it involved talking to totem animals in their spirit form. Later on, I realized that the symbolism matches a Guide dream, but it wasn't like any of the other Guide dreams. It was "shamanic" for lack of any other term. It was incredibly vivid and meaningful and it almost felt like I was in another world, not just dreaming.

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This is the first time in a couple years that I've spoken to Totem Spirit Animals in dreams-- which sucks, since I'm working with a Shawnee Medicine Woman. And before it was Raven & Wolf. This time, it was Crow & Fox. I don't quite get the significance of the switch. Except that Raven & Wolf were personal totems I worked with, and appeared as giant versions of the animals. They were individual spirits that worked with me on a intimate level. The Crow and Fox Spirits, however, appeared as more powerful Totemic gods, in robes with wands and emanating power. Also, I was unable to reach them without the help of the golden triangle with the purple eye dolmen-- obviously a reference to the psychic 3rd eye.

I can't quite interpret this yet-- since I'm still pondering it and thinking it over. At least it appears I was able to access my 3rd eye to reach the Totem Spirits, and when Crow gave me a task, I was able to accomplish it. Hopefully, this means I earned more answers in upcoming dreams. I thought it was odd that the red Fox spirit was protecting children in a barn. Not what you'd expect, eh? I think he was a Totem for all those red-headed kids. All were clever, all were in abusive or dangerous situations, and all were in pajamas-- so I think he was protecting them in their dreams. I got the feeling that this was a cross-over dream, where maybe a dozen kids or so suddenly had a woman with long red hair come in and help out their pal, the Fox! I would think the children were aspects of ME, and maybe they are, except I don't recall meeting Fox before or doing any work with him whatsoever.

LATER NOTE: Now that my Dreamquest is going, I've learned a lot. All those kids were aspects of myself. Child aspects being protected (they were getting hunted down and murdered by my father in other dreams). There was an obvious symbolism pointing to the 3rd eye mental/psychic chakra, which is purple or violet. (The whole "indigo" thing is a western affectation, and the 7th crown chakra is SILVER/reflective.) These beings I now think were Guides. Why animals? Well-- why not?

tranquilityseekers: light being gifts (benevolence)
2015-06-18 11:18 am
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Dream Quest Begins- Guide Vs. Rays & Light Orb Necklaces

[Original post Dec. 2006]

As you may know, I'm really digging into my own subconscious baggage to resolve certain issues which still trip me up in my mature adult life. In the last month, I mentioned a dream which figured a military "spy" who was a "Major Ray"-- or programmed part of self from authority figures. It was interesting to discover that a Ray was like what some call a Superego, or parental Self, just like a Shadow is a part of what some would call an Id, or suppressed Self of selfish desires.

This morning, the next chapter was unveiled in a dream that I found quite elucidating!

There was a meeting held in a room, where representatives of the military (in my dreams, they represent "the system" or Rays) and several others were all together planning for an expedition. I was selected to be the "Prime Seeker." I felt flattered and also very responsible and mature-- and yet also excited like a child. A woman, dressed like a New Age Hippie, was given much honor as The Guide .  The image of an older brunette woman,  a seeming combination of the exotic Lena Olin and the comfortng Mimi Rogers (not Andie McDowell, who has also shown up as Guide in other dreams) was playing the part and I felt very safely nurtured with her. A door opened on the side of the meeting room, and several of us went out for the expedition. It was twilight, with a distant, burning sunset.  We traveled together on foot towards a gash in the side of a cliff. 

The Rays were complaining about my part as the Prime Seeker. The Guide insisted, however, though the military dudes were severely disapproving of that level of trust being shown in ME. We came to a steep slope that had to be climbed via a strong plastic net-ladder. It looked daunting, but somehow I knew I could do it in this dream-world, and up I went with little problem. The Guide approved and gave the Ray dudes a look like she knew I could do it. 

At the top, I looked around. The world was transformed. It was beautiful and in gorgeous, soft twilight, falling into night gently. It didn't look at all frightening, but rather fascinating. I was to go on alone, while they watched. The Guide handed me 4 necklaces. 3 with small, clear marbles that could glow, and the last was the same, only larger. When I traveled, each one would give light to help me see. But each would only last for a small period of time. That's why The Guide gave me 4 of them, to help me not be afraid of the dark. (Not that I was afraid at all at that point.) The Rays again waged a war of protest. They didn't think I deserved that much help! They thought 1 little orb necklace was more than enough. The Guide disagreed and handed me the necklaces that were just round pieces of glass until I needed to call upon some light to help me. I felt honored and very grateful to The Guide, and accepted them, and turned to face the Land of Night, determined.

And then I awoke.

This entire scenario makes total sense given what I'm doing. I'm intending on bringing to light the parts of myself that are still "stuck" and making me prone to depression. This dream indicates that I have friends (whether of my own mind or from actual spiritual guides) who will help me on my journey. Good to hear!~

LATER NOTE: This dream started an epic journey in some of my dreams that lasted years and is still ongoing!

tranquilityseekers: stone head (strength)
2015-06-15 12:44 pm
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Freckles, Father Aspect As Child Killer & Kiki

[Original post Jan. 2006]

I've been fatiguing a little lately, and thus oversleeping, which is leading to vivid daytime dreams-- or nightmares... ummm, daymares. This afternoon I had two of those. Both were that kind of monster/elimination type scenarios where people die one by one by one at the hands of either some horrific seriel killer or monster.

But first I had a very interesting little dream. In the dream, I was looking in the mirror, and as I talked or sang or made faces, my reflection made them back out of sync-- often obviously mocking me, and I think trying to even scare me. I realized within the dream, since I was very lucid, that this was a Shadow self. I thought for a second, and then said, "Hey, I know I take over a lot of these dreams and talk too much, so I'm going to shut up and watch and let you speak. I promise to pay attention and listen to you." My reflecting Shadow got quiet and stopping mocking, suddenly transforming before my eyes into it's true self-- me as a frustrated child. And then the nightmares began. Apparently, my child self has some not-very-nice-things to say! I did awaken for a few minutes before dreaming again, so I was able to quickly take note of the unusual dream.

In the first daymare, I was a teenager hiking through woods along trails on a gray day with very still air. When my hike was complete, I went back to this information/nature book store. Lisa was there, also browsing books. She and I ordered mildly alcoholic fruity drinks and pretended not to be too obvious about avoiding one another. While there, I overheard customers discussing a rumor about some serial killer going nuts back in the city. I managed to get home from there to a tiny house based on the Star Motel (for the not-quite-but-almost homeless) place I lived in for a year as a 15 year old. It was one of those rundown, seedy, highway "motels" where ex-cons and druggies proliferate, paying rent by the week. It was backed on one side with a fire station, and on the other side and back with undeveloped land and scrub forest that used to be farms. That's the true part. The name's even real because it's been torn down for over 10 years. Anyway-- I was back to living there in the dream, and a mysterious serial killer was on the loose, apparently killing children.

I tried to prevent kids from being killed, while my father was just being a jerk and Mumsie and Erica hid in the trashy cottage. Despite my efforts, all the kids were getting clobbered in the shadows of the forest, despite the day being summery, hot, bright, and sunny. (In fact, this is one of those common dream places I go to a lot.) My father was the only other person I could see that was hanging out in the woods besides myself. I knew I wasn't the bad guy, and I didn't quite believe my father (a.k.a. "the Bull") was the guy, but he wouldn't go away or go inside. I kept warning kids or trying to warn them, and would see them playing, and then later hiding in terror from this threat, but then I kept finding their bodies. I DID manage to find one little toddler-- a sweet, little girl I adored on sight. I grabbed her up and held onto her. She was too small and a little crazy because she had seen the killer, but managed to get away. My father tried to get me to send her home or get rid of her (otherwise, in his reasoning, the child killer would kill ME too, just for being in the way) but I refused. I somehow knew that once the last child died, the killer would target me next as the next youngest (a teenager in an adult household.) The last scene of the dream I caught my father going into a thicket where a kid was hiding, followed by sounds of struggle and death-- I knew then my father was the evil serial killer, and I ran taking my little girl with me (named "Kiki" by the way!) away from the motel, never to return. This dream was so CREEPY and eerie, as well as bloody and scary, that once more I awoke and thought about it before settling in to sleep again.

But Freckles (as I'm calling the mocking Shadow who revealed her true self to me in the mirror) wasn't finished talking and showing me things. She repeated the basic scenario-- only updated it for my life now. The first dream was very obviously about my father, The Bull, killing off my childhood piece by piece, and doing it purposefully and methodically, destroying everything precious-- innocence, carefree play, joy, unrestrained laughter, pride in a job well done, imagination, and so on. I still managed to save a part of it by realizing what my father was doing, and thus working against him to prevent his complete success.

In Daymare #2, I was in a mountain town, a tourist trap sort of a place where the downtown was actually bustling and busy all the time because there was nothing else to do (and no Walmart!) The dream began at sunset, also on a beautiful sunny day. Gerick was with me the entire time. He and I were walking home after watching an afternoon movie at one of 2 small movie theaters (pretty full with veiwers, mind you.) Things were starting to feel eerie and Twilight-Zonish, though. I forgot and left a purse and mirror (!!) at the theater, so we had to go back for them. The owner was a cool old coot, but he could get persnickity about the dumbest things, and Gerick had a mild argument about some issue-- so I went on ahead. By now, it was just past twilight and dark, and to get to our home I had to go down a lonesome rural dirt road. I was shocked to find a very large-- either it was a bear or a giant werewolf. Bear was more likely, but it looked more like a werewolf to me (this is what I actually thought to myself in the dream.) It stared at me, and I stared back and made sure to back away, rather than turn tail and run like prey.

I knew we were in trouble then. By the time I got back to explain to Gerick, the Werewolf/Bear was behind me and so I realized this was now a "Monster" scenario. I tried to save the old couple who ran the theater, but they were asleep and there was no time. Another man who saw the Werebear (so it came to seem to be) ran with us to an unlocked, empty house. The Werebear was killing as it went, but pursuing what it saw moving and making sounds, so we kept drawing attention to ourselves at the same time we were trying to evade death. It was frustrating. The guy we were with wouldn't stop making too much noise, and I purposely found a way to ditch him downstairs just as the Werebear entered, knowing it meant the end of the guy and relieved his death would buy US more time.

However, the whole time of this dream Gerick was also babbling and going on and on about shit and it was annoying the hell out of me. It was bad enough in normal life, but now he couldn't shut up to save that very life? I was quickly growing impatient. I blocked some doors to the big bedroom upstairs, barricading ourselves in to buy time, and rummaged through the closet of the people who lived there to find cold weather clothes to get out of the house and on to safety-- by leaving through an upstairs window to the porch roof and then down to the now snowy ground. The plan was in place and I was trying to whisper it to Gerick, but he wasn't listening too well-- still going on and on about the guy and the Werebear and probably drawing the attention of the monster. I began to ignore him and just start preparing myself, because I had decided to just ditch him like we had the last guy. I wasn't going to let myself DIE because my husband was too stupid to just SHUT THE HELL UP. If he didn't want to listen, I wasn't going to commit suicide by struggling to communicate. Fuck him! And there I woke up-- feeling very freaky and unsafe.

Once more we have a Killer of some aspect of my life. In the first dream, it was my father killing off my childhood selves. All except a little girl, Kiki, who represents the ability to love with sweet, open affection. In the second dream, some strange supernatural totem-like animal silently stalks all these aspects who babble needlessly and self-centeredly. Though in this case, I was allowing them to be killed in order to survive myself. (Also a tiny message there about how Gerick's babbling bothers me because of the frustration of never feeling listened to and respected.) There is the message in there somewhere.

I don't think the Werebear represented a specific person because I get Serial Killer dreams for that. I can also surmise that the relationship between the Babblers and the children is that people who babble in a self-centered manner are very childish, and killing them off is a little like ending that part of you that bores others by talking about you-- you-- you. (Or rather, me-- me-- me-- , and I confess this is a sin I am guilty of...) The difference is that some holy, powerful Totem animal, as if from the Spirit World, is the one responsible for cutting down my Babbling Egoists selves. It's forcing me (in the dream, at least) to realize that such behavior is working against myself. Is the message that one of my surviving Child Selves (Freckles, the Brat) protesting that to her this feels like I'm letting parts of myself die again? Is that what she's saying? [I've had the Serial Killer dream with the kids and my father before many times, but I don't know that I've actually paid it attention before to the point of thinking about it and writing about it.]

I do have issues about frustration with others who babble as well as fears about being regarded as such myself, for I used to be just terrible about talking on and on and on about things in my life. Little by little, I was shamed out of it by people, who, either rudely or gently, pointed out that I was "bogarting" the conversation. Nowadays, I have much higher tolerance for this sort of thing from others who do it (IF they are at all intelligent or creative) but strive not to be too guilty of it myself, to the point that now I come across too much as the opposite, someone who doesn't talk enough. (Just can't win for losing.)

Along these lines, a HUGE point of contention in my marriage, on the "petty shit that shouldn't matter but does" front, is my annoyance at Gerick's babbling and not listening to me-- or if he listens, it's half-heartedly with a great deal of interruptions and re-turning the conversation to revolve around him at least 95% of the time. In the dream, I had this scenario pop up where I had actually made the decision to let him die if he was going to be such a jerk. There I was, able to SAVE HIS LIFE and he still couldn't stop and listen to me quietly and respectfully. It was ridiculous-- but I often feel that way about people.


tranquilityseekers: touch goddess (invocation)
2015-06-11 11:31 am
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Yard Dispute Dream: Poor Shadows Vs. Yuppie Rays

[Original post May 2007]

Some of my Rays are assholes and some of my Shadows are shitheads, too. What happens when they live as neighbors metaphorically? (As they obviously are-- sharing my head and all...)

Read more... )
A thought occurs:  Just WHO is in charge here? Doing dream work with my Shadows & Rays is illustrating rather powerfully just how much of my behavior is "auto-pilot" reactions stemming from my past. There's so much shit going on up in this twisted head of mine that I'm generally just unaware of-- it can be daunting to confront. And I'm freaking out both sides by doing all this deep level work-- so apparently I AM making real changes in myself. Man... this is ending up being harder than I thought it would be.

tranquilityseekers: stone head (strength)
2015-06-04 10:56 am
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Lion Hearths & Construction Hobbits

[Original post Sep. 2008]

Had two very detailed and interesting dreams this morning that shifted one into another:

In both dreams, I was followed around by a sort of dream companion entourage that I kept an on-going dialog with as I went.

Dream 1: I was wandering a large, old, majestic mansion, going up a wide spiral stairwell and down long, wide hallways, talking to it's staff (and my entourage of aspects.) The news of the place was that a very wealthy older man, who used to be the owner, had died, and his widow was now taking over as it's owner. There was some controversy, because the staff had thought someone else would be in charge instead of her. There was someone who was not as worthy who wanted that power, but the widow was strong and she was prevailing, so HA HA! I saw the widow at one point, and she was a robust woman in her 50s, with bright red hair in a pompadour, wearing a long dark purple dress. I liked her immensely on sight.

For some reason, I was curious about seeing the furnace of the great mansion-- which was situated in a room in the middle of the house, not the basement like one would expect. I went to look at it, and the door to the balcony overlooking this great furnace room had a bright orange silhouette of a lion on it. I opened that door and was amazed at the glowing ember color of the furnace. It appeared empty except for a large pipeline going in and another large one going out. Each attached to very large, ring or washer-like structures. One of my aspects told me it was the "hearth" of the house. I listened in wonder to some great rushing sound coming from the deceptively simple looking furnace.

Interp: This could have been a life/mind dream, like most house dreams are, but several clues point to it's being about my body and health instead. The furnace and furnace-room are very obviously my heart. The "Lionheart" symbology and the purple clad widow with her Gibson-girl hairstyle fit this notion as well. The issues of the dream were about a "new boss" taking over who was presumed would be better than the old one (some physical glitch fixed?) and about who got to allocate resources (the $$ part of it.) The gossip my aspects told me was that the old man of the house didn't spend his money wisely, and neglected upkeep on the house. The widow, on the other hand, was expected to do better. This gives me hope that my health is going to stay on the upswing, and perhaps even improve.  In addition, I have a slight heart defect stemming from the same damage that my entire system has been reeling with since that initial bout of illness that nearly killed me at 13 and began my lifelong bout with CFIDS/REDD.

Dream 2: There was definitely a very similar theme resounding through all my dreams. This time, I found myself wandering, along with my entourage, through a very elaborate construction site of some sort of sophiticated high-rise. There were workmen everywhere in hard hats, busy building building building, with cranes and the whole bit. At one point, there was a break and a meeting called for all the workers, who found seats in these bleacher-like stands. I remained on the ground, and decided to see if I could find my good friend in the stands. He was one of the workers. A foreigner-- perhaps east Indian, perhaps South American, maybe even Rom-- it wasn't clear.

I called for him, "Salazan! Salazan!" and he called back and waved to me. He was wearing a bright orange coverall [orange again!] and had his hard hat and lunchbox with him. I was pleased to find him and ran over to greet him with fond affection. Apparently, he and I had met in previous dreams, and in the current dream I was able to recall this. He was considered to be a simple guy, but we just got along very well.

He told me he was unable to get to his wife, who was seated on the ground floor of the stands some distance away, hidden in the crowd, so would I find her for him and deliver a gift from him? He gestured to where his gift was, a very expensive handbag that only a very rich man could afford. What was this? I picked it up and then looked back at him, and he smiled and his eyes twinkled at me. I realized he was actually the owner of the building, the eccentric and wealthy man everyone had been wondering about. He had disguised himself as a simple worker to oversee the contruction details in person and in secret! Clever man!

I asked him how would I find her? He said her name was 'Salubriay' and she was a "hobbit-looking older woman." I smiled back and then headed across the arena to the where she would be. I called her name, along with several of my entourage, "Salubriay! Salubriaaay!"

That was when I saw a couple of women talk to a small old woman seated between them, who then pointed at me and apparently told her that I was calling her name. I approached and asked, "Salubriay?" and she nodded. As soon as she did, her two servants or helpers got up and left us some privacy. I handed her the expensive purse and told her it was from her husband, Salazan. She smiled warmly and nodded.

I came closer and introduced myself, "I'm Larissa," since I had been a friend to her husband for a while. She knew that name, and gave me a huge grin and said back to me in a thick accent, "Lah-REEZ-ah? OH!" and she put out her arms for a hug. I was delighted with her delight and hugged her back. I was so happy to meet her and we just kept hugging one another for a long time as movie reel crescendo music played in the background. This meeting was obviously supposed to be an important moment.

Then I awoke.

Interp: I got the distinct impression of repair as well as construction, and so I hope that once again this is boding well for my future health. The purse was almost more of a gift for me than for Salazan's wife, Salubriay [and what's with those names, anyway?] because it told me who he really was-- an aspect with some major power in my system. This was a new system I haven't yet explored. Given the girders, beams, smaller pipes, and legions of workers, I'm going to hazard the guess that this is about my lymph system. The people in charge of it are much older, I assume, because that aspect of our immune system, the part that makes anti-bodies, is much older than we are. I've been wanting to meet the aspects in charge of things like my immune system because I've been hoping to create a dialog and thus improve my health spiritually/physically, not just traditionally. Therefore, for them to "reveal" themselves to me was indeed a huge thing. I'm pleased to know that we can work together to improve my bodily system from both directions, as it were!

LATER NOTE: A friend pointed out to me that the word "Salubrious" means 'pertaining to good health'!!! I must have known that word at some point and forgotten it. SO-- that means that my interps seem to be hitting the mark!