Apr. 30th, 2015

tranquilityseekers: ecstasy (trancendence)
[Originally posted Nov. 2005- before Dream Quest Project]

I had 2 weird-ass dreams this morning:

In the first, I had discovered this HUGE insect thing living inside the electronics of a large screen television. It resembled almost a crab/turtle shell thing with fingers coming out as the legs, all gnarled and "knuckly". I knew it was supposed to be something gross and that I normally would crush such a thing to kill it. Only I didn't. I let it live peacefully. I even showed if off to friends and named it Knuckles.

I became friends with the 1 and a half foot long ugly bug. It curled up to sleep at the foot of my bed, fought with my cat, and became pregnant. Eventually, it left my house to lay eggs. At that point, I was able to talk to it, and the dream turned really strange. I asked it/her if she would live after laying, and she said no-- only an hour or 2. Rather than staying, she was going to fly north and see what she could see before dying. I cried and gave it/her an awkward hug, and promised to tell her story to her progeny when they hatched-- a la Charlotte's Web. End Dream 1.

The second dream I found myself helping to coordinate a bunch of sound stage people for some huge important symphony orchestra event. I was in charge of the rhythm section-- including timpani and kettle drums and about 200 giant drums about half the size of a van each! Too much. I was working closely with another woman who looked and sounded just like the actress Andie McDowell, and she really seemed to like me. The Andie character told me the giant drums were for "thunderous power" and that I belonged in the the drum section. (At one point, I was feeling a bit put out, because I wanted to work with the violin section instead.) Just before we were set for the performance, and everyone was getting all dressed up, she came over to me and gave me a bright sapphire blue rose corsage to wear on my wrist-- only she put it on my right wrist rather than my left. "I just want you to feel appreciated!" she smiled and went on. I glowed with happiness at that. End Dream 2.

Interp:

Both dreams involved hands. Both involved "strange love." Both involved creativity and the preparation for something big...

I'd say writing or projects involving my creative self are about to take off. The last time I had such dreams was right before I began a pagan Trad and Circle in 1996. (In those dreams I had fetus fingers!)

The "ugly bug" is about my reluctance to write because I'm ashamed of being judged by critics and detractors. I've never done well with negativity directed at me, and fear of ridicule and disdain is the main reason I never finish a writing project. The bug being nurtured, despite it's ugliness, is very symbolic of my own relationship to my writing -- I feel it's gross and disgusting, but I love it anyway and just don't have the heart to kill it. The dream indicates that that era of my life is about to end, and soon will be replaced with "new baby bugs"-- lots of them! Potential is ripe and ready.

The drums and corsage? Again with the tremendous creative power-- not yet ready to be played, all the time being set up for some momentous expression. Andie seemed like a Guide or Teacher or Helper who just wanted me to know that I still matter, and her little act of kindness, silly and trivial as it may seem, was a very powerful emotional thing for me.

Maybe I will finish a story.

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December 2015

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