tranquilityseekers: (blessing)
[From June 2009]

I believe this next dream in my Dream Quest series is prompted or inspired from things I wrote an LJ friend about dreams and working out issues within one's Self that way. I've found it one of the most effective ways to deal with subconscious impulses and automatic reactions that aren't appreciated. You know, those unhealthy compulsive behaviors and uncontrollable emotions we have that drive us crazy? Yeah, those. We all got 'em-- but how to heal them?

It's a little like an internal war. The Waking Mind decides it wants something-- say, to stop eating when not hungry. Yet, when our minds wander, we'll find ourselves almost on autopilot, heading for the fridge...! Then we hate ourselves as we stuff our face! Who needs that shit? But most of us have a few versions of this sort of thing going on all the time. Why do I always quail inside when a family member calls? Why do I freak out and scream at my romantic partner when they act bored? Why do I...?

So I've come up with this system for labeling the aspects of ourselves in dreams. These dream characters almost always fall into one of several categories: Rays, Shadows, and Guides. Rays are created by things we hear growing up-- they are equivalent to a Superego, the programs begun by outside authority figures, including the almighty peer-group! Shadows are the result of those "rays" of false light-- they are the repressed aspects of the self, the Id if you will. The Guides are the wise and healthy aspects that seem to be connected to a Higher Self or Divine and true Light.

So! Here's what happened in my last dream:

I was in a house by a huge field with a mother aspect, an aspect reflective of Gerick, and several child aspects. We were just dinking around when suddenly I heard a jet plane [I'm guessing in real life one went overhead and inspired this next bit.] A small, one-man bright ORANGE jet roared by the house over the field really low, and then stopped, upended itself and parked. I was amazed, but I told the other aspects I was with that I thought we were about to get a visit. Sure enough, as I watched out the windows, a blond guy in an orange jump suit came out of the now parked jet, obviously the pilot ["autopilot" reference, anyone?] and knocked on the door. He had thick, blond, tousled hair (helmet hair!) and a perpetual smirk on his face. He didn't seem threatening, but I didn't trust him.

Gerick met him at the door while I took some photos of his unusual jet parked outside using a digital camera. To my surprise, it seemed this guy had come "to talk". His name was Raymond. [oh brother!] I shooed the kids upstairs, using that special small stairway only they and I can use (adult aspects can't use it to access the "attic" areas of houses.) The kids were acting up, running around (interestingly enough, one of them was black...) and arguing over who was going to use the bathroom. I patiently saw to them, reassuring them that they'd be okay. (I wanted them away from the guy downstairs- the kid aspects get kicked around a lot in my dreams, so I'm protective of them.)

By the time I came down, everyone-- the pilot, the mother and Gerick aspects-- were smiling and calm. Gerick happily told me that Raymond the pilot had come to offer a compromise!

But the grinning man was in a hurry to leave and so we followed him outside where he knocked his jet over to be horizontal so he could climb in and take off again. I was perturbed that he didn't wait to "talk" and offer his compromise until I was back down the stairs-- leaving me out while he negotiated something with the other aspects! Gerick once again told me that they were working out a way to "turn things around." I was looking at the orange plane and taking photos of the numbers on it when it came to me at last that I was in a dream! Finally I realized just what was happening-- the Rays were offering a compromise???

I stopped the pilot from getting in his plane by pushing him back, "Wait a minute! You can't negotiate ANYTHING with these guys (gesturing to mother and Gerick), only with ME! I'm the Waking Mind! I am the I am, dammit! You're a Ray associated with my MOTHER programs, hense the orange colors. What the hell do you want?"

The guy's smirk left his face abruptly. He fiddled with his helmet nervously, but looked me in the eye all the same, "Look, we're just trying to come to an agreement about all of this..."

And then we were talking, about how I knew the Rays were losing power-- and now it's very obvious that they're scared I'm wrecking their plans and positions. Apparently, they feel I side with the Shadows too much. Well, I pointed out to him, after having blatent abuse by them of other aspects like Frances, and the boy writer Tim and girl artist Tina, what the hell ELSE were they expecting from me? "You treat parts of me like enemies, when they don't do anything wrong! Your overall values are messed up-- including yours, oh Autopilot from the Mommy Programs! If you're even pretending to want to compromise, you guys must be really worried about your future!"

Meanwhile, at this point, in the background an Imogen Heap song started playing, which, thinking about it now, seems apropos...


Lyrics to: Have You Got It In You:

It takes a lot-- to be always on form
It takes a lot...
Or maybe not. All the time, all I've got…
Maybe not...

(Forget it...) [repeats]

Been one of those days-- (forget it...)
Safety first, don't push-- (forget it...) What's the hurry? (forget it...)
One nerve remaining-- (forget it...)  Waiting on one look….(forget it...)
Have you got it? (forget it, forget it...)
Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?

All at once, not a whisper, no word.
Then all at once…

(Let me have it all, let me have it-- Battle on!
Easy target, lock and reach!  Jus- just get it over with!)
It's getting worse, against all the odds…
It's getting worse!
(Bow down. Floor's yours!  Last man standing. Can we- just get it over with?)

(Forget it...) [repeats]

Been one of those days…(Forget it...)
Safety first, don't push... (Don't push me…) What's the hurry..?
Cause there's one nerve remaining. Waiting on one look-- (One look now…)
Have you got it?
Have you got it in you?
Have you got it in you?

Blue, blue…they make me blue…
(Head down, quick! Take cover, big girl in the mood!)
Blue you, make me any more blue?

(Long spin-- shout! Power clean right out- of your suit!)

Been one of those days…
Safety first, don't push…what's the hurry?
One nerve remaining, waiting on one look…have you got it?
Have you got it in you?
[~repeat to end~]
.

And then I gave him a message for the Rays, direct from me, "Here's how it's going to work. There will be NO compromise, see? No, what you're getting from me is an ULTIMATUM. IF you guys want to be a part of the system, you have to change your strategy-- you need to stop bullying the Shadows, casting your false Lucifer light, and start being forces of LOVE in my mind. You need to be Rays of Divine Light, who tell my other aspects kind and encouraging things. You've been causing fear, sadness, and rage in my Shadows for years. If you REALLY want to take away from the power of the Shadows, you have to give them courage, happiness, and peace instead. This isn't rocket science..." and then I paused to look at the rocket-like jet, appreciating the irony. "Work with me and help me to make things better for ALL of us. We've been trying it your way for almost 40 years now and just LOOK where it got us! Now we do it MY way."

He was silent, but then surprised me by saying, "So... what's with the Elves?"

I was stunned he mentioned them, but quickly recovered and explained truthfully, "They're my attempt to create BETTER, more healing Rays. You guys suck so much I've been actively trying to replace you with aspects who are more angelic and beautiful. Who are healthy and compassionate and peaceful. Who will help to nurture and encourage my poor beleagured Shadows..." And at that point I stopped, thinking of Frances, who I sent to the Elves but later found being tortured by other Rays again.

At this point, I started to wake up-- but Raymond the Pilot was able to read my mind about Frances and he said, "She left the Elves because she felt unworthy of their love." And he quirked an eyebrow at me as if to say: 'See how messed up and pathetic those Shadows are? What else can you expect of them?'

I shook my head, "But that's just what I'm talking about, this crap has got to stop..."  and I woke up.


I think I'm pleased with this new development. It means my RE-programming is working. My bad habits are subsiding. I'm not just reacting to events, I'm acting very consciously and with thoughtfulness. Actually getting a direct communication to the Ray-system is awesome. More progress!

On another note, the Imogen Heap song is a VERY POWERFUL message from my Rays that I didn't appreciate until I was awake and searching for the lyrics and such to get the meaning of it. I didn't remember most of the words consciously, but obviously my Dreaming Mind is very aware, and my GOD are those lyrics ever appropriate to the situation! Like WHOA! I'm the "big girl in a mood" for example, and the "they" that make the Rays "blue" are the Shadows and "you" is referring to me! hmmm...

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