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Check previous entries for more on this!
The article this comes from here:
www.sott.net/article/268449-Empathic-peo
Now, to examine it in detail! I think its important enough to quote in full in sections and then discuss 1 or 2 sections a day.
Dr.s Jane and Tim McGregor talk about how therapists and counselors, who are very empathic people in general, are among those people who are targeted, and so this article was written from a book as a way to help those who have been victimized as professionals who come up against people with issues regularly.
Empathic People Are Natural Targets For Sociopaths-- Protect Yourself
[Bold emphasis by me to highlight areas I want to discuss below the article.]
"The empathy trap: therapists and counselors almost by definition are empathic, to facilitate clients' recovery - but this quality can mean those carers are targets for sociopaths, aided by what Dr Jane & Tim McGregor call "apaths". The first UK article on this cruel sport shows how to identify and thus avoid it.
People targeted by a sociopath often respond with self-deprecating comments like "I was stupid", "what was I thinking" or "I should've listened to my gut instinct". But being involved with a sociopath is like being brainwashed. The sociopath's superficial charm is usually the means by which s/he conditions people.
On initial contact, a sociopath will often test other people's empathy, so questions geared towards discovering if you are highly empathic or not should ring alarm bells. People with a highly empathic disposition are often targeted. Those with lower levels of empathy are often passed over, though they can be drawn in and used by sociopaths as part of their cruel entertainment.
Sociopaths make up 25% of the prison population, committing over twice as many aggressive acts as other criminals. The reoffending rate of sociopaths is about double that of other offenders, and for violent crimes it is triple.
But not all sociopaths are found in prison. There is the less-visible burden of sociopath-induced emotional trauma which, if left unchecked, can lead to anxiety disorders, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Chronically traumatized people often exhibit hyper-vigilant, anxious and agitated behavior, symptoms such as tension headaches, gastrointestinal disturbances, abdominal pain, back pain, tremors and nausea.
Exposure to and interaction with a sociopath in childhood can leave lifelong scars. This can apply to people in therapy - and for those who in recovery trained as therapists, re-exposure as an adult can trigger old emotions and PTSD.
This article is not about sociopaths per se but about surviving the harm they cause.
EVERYDAY SOCIOPATHS
Many sociopaths wreak havoc in a covert way, so that their underlying condition remains hidden for years. They can possess a superficial charm, and this diverts attention from disturbing aspects of their nature.
The following case history illustrates how people can be systematically targeted until they feel they can barely trust their own sense of reality - what we call "gaslighting". Sociopathic abuse is targeted abuse. It can wreck lives. Victims can become survivors, but at huge cost.
At school, 'James' took a dislike to a classmate, 'Sam', who was sensitive and popular. He would mock him for auditioning for the school play or for getting upset over failing a test. The situation deteriorated when it became known that Sam's parents were separating. Sam appeared to be taking it with fortitude, to the admiration of his peers. He also got attention and sympathy from the school staff, especially James' favourite teacher: ie, the one he manipulated most easily.
James decided on a plan of covert bullying. He started a whispering campaign implying that Sam's parents were not splitting up, that he had said they were in order to seek attention. Sadly, this was all too successful and over the next few days Sam was met with silence and verbal bullying from his hitherto-supportive classmates.
James continued his campaign, targeting Sam's close friends over the next few days. They found themselves accused of misdemeanours such as sending offensive emails/texts. Then the 'favourite' teacher went on "leave with immediate effect" after accusations of assaulting a pupil. Where had the accusations come from? Guess.
This case shows how deliberately sociopaths, from a young age, can target others. Taking advantage of people's credibility and goodwill, James exploited the situation. With a more perceptive head teacher, this sociopath might have been found out, but he knew who to manipulate and how far he could go."
COMMENTS:
Its true that good people, called 'empaths' here (a label I like and will use in future) are likely to blame themselves before searching for others to blame. They have an internal locus of control. In other words, they believe that they are responsible for what happens to them in their life. Which is very adaptive for most things in life, and its very ethical as well-- but not when it comes to dealing with sociopaths. Empaths don't like to blame others for things, and their reflex habit of self-blame will sabotage their ability to see the truth of what's going on when a sociopath steps in.
I think the next bit is EXCELLENT advice. Sociopaths will try to figure out people they meet early and one thing they're looking for is how empathetic you are. Will you be manipulated by sympathy, pity, and self-responsibility? They want to know and will ask you questions to ascertain how much of an easy 'mark' you are.
I never really thought about it, but this validates my suspicions that I trust too much too early. My very openness with people gives away too much, and I pretty much must advertise myself as someone who cares. I like the specifics of this advice to watch for questions or comments meant to illicit information about how nice I am, and how willing to get involved.
The damage that sociopaths do to other adults is terrible enough, but many children grow up with parents, or other adults who have long-term contact and influence over them and that's even worse. A lot of people who have had long-term contact have been damaged as a result. This is another reason why its so important to learn how to identify sociopaths! We need to be able to out them to the community in general, and hold them fully responsible for the harm they cause.
The next piece is about how most sociopaths work "under the radar" and live out in society with the rest of us. They seek out victims intentionally, and they often employ methods that confound and confuse. When people are confused, they often prefer to go on as if there is nothing wrong, because they're afraid of looking foolish or offending an innocent party. This common community social dynamic plays to those who have ulterior motives in mind.
Twisting the truth so that others don't know what the hell is going on is a favorite way of "playing" for evil people. Its a sport, a game, to completely obscure the facts so that no one feels certain about what's going on. Sociopaths lie habitually, but the smarter ones can be very careful and meticulous about it, weaving sometime elaborate scenarios that can seem very believable, even if they don't fit the character of the person being targeted. Somehow, the sociopath may manage to change the way people see someone, often using other people to assist them.
The case study gives an example of where a sociopath targeted a sensitive and popular "nice guy" and got a great majority of his former friends and supporters to turn on him. Then, the sociopath got rid of the kid's favorite teacher-- just to really make sure his victim felt even more alone.
I honestly feel like I've been THAT GUY numerous times. A scenario emerges where some asshole or bitch gets a burr up their ass and decides that they don't like my modest social or personal success, finding my very existence irksome-- and they start a campaign against me.
This article was very validating in that it told me that it wasn't all in my deluded and "DRAMA LLAMA" imagination: people do this sort of thing, and they do target people who have qualities that stand out in a good way. Nice people. Smart people. Talented people. If you have a combination of wonderful traits that are admirable, you're MORE likely to be targeted, not less!
We live in a reflex "blame the victim" culture that prefers to believe that bad things happen to bad people. In TRUTH-- bad things happen to GOOD people MORE often via this dynamic. Our collective ignorance of this running theme with a certain subset of people has been to the detriment of many, many, MANY victims!
Which is why I'm writing about it. I think its important to start educating ourselves. AND to stop blaming the victims. Especially if we are or have been the victims of this targeting ourselves.
More next week.
The article this comes from here:
www.sott.net/article/268449-Empathic-peo
Now, to examine it in detail! I think its important enough to quote in full in sections and then discuss 1 or 2 sections a day.
Dr.s Jane and Tim McGregor talk about how therapists and counselors, who are very empathic people in general, are among those people who are targeted, and so this article was written from a book as a way to help those who have been victimized as professionals who come up against people with issues regularly.
Empathic People Are Natural Targets For Sociopaths-- Protect Yourself
[Bold emphasis by me to highlight areas I want to discuss below the article.]
"The empathy trap: therapists and counselors almost by definition are empathic, to facilitate clients' recovery - but this quality can mean those carers are targets for sociopaths, aided by what Dr Jane & Tim McGregor call "apaths". The first UK article on this cruel sport shows how to identify and thus avoid it.
People targeted by a sociopath often respond with self-deprecating comments like "I was stupid", "what was I thinking" or "I should've listened to my gut instinct". But being involved with a sociopath is like being brainwashed. The sociopath's superficial charm is usually the means by which s/he conditions people.
On initial contact, a sociopath will often test other people's empathy, so questions geared towards discovering if you are highly empathic or not should ring alarm bells. People with a highly empathic disposition are often targeted. Those with lower levels of empathy are often passed over, though they can be drawn in and used by sociopaths as part of their cruel entertainment.
Sociopaths make up 25% of the prison population, committing over twice as many aggressive acts as other criminals. The reoffending rate of sociopaths is about double that of other offenders, and for violent crimes it is triple.
But not all sociopaths are found in prison. There is the less-visible burden of sociopath-induced emotional trauma which, if left unchecked, can lead to anxiety disorders, depression and post-traumatic stress disorder.
Chronically traumatized people often exhibit hyper-vigilant, anxious and agitated behavior, symptoms such as tension headaches, gastrointestinal disturbances, abdominal pain, back pain, tremors and nausea.
Exposure to and interaction with a sociopath in childhood can leave lifelong scars. This can apply to people in therapy - and for those who in recovery trained as therapists, re-exposure as an adult can trigger old emotions and PTSD.
This article is not about sociopaths per se but about surviving the harm they cause.
EVERYDAY SOCIOPATHS
Many sociopaths wreak havoc in a covert way, so that their underlying condition remains hidden for years. They can possess a superficial charm, and this diverts attention from disturbing aspects of their nature.
The following case history illustrates how people can be systematically targeted until they feel they can barely trust their own sense of reality - what we call "gaslighting". Sociopathic abuse is targeted abuse. It can wreck lives. Victims can become survivors, but at huge cost.
At school, 'James' took a dislike to a classmate, 'Sam', who was sensitive and popular. He would mock him for auditioning for the school play or for getting upset over failing a test. The situation deteriorated when it became known that Sam's parents were separating. Sam appeared to be taking it with fortitude, to the admiration of his peers. He also got attention and sympathy from the school staff, especially James' favourite teacher: ie, the one he manipulated most easily.
James decided on a plan of covert bullying. He started a whispering campaign implying that Sam's parents were not splitting up, that he had said they were in order to seek attention. Sadly, this was all too successful and over the next few days Sam was met with silence and verbal bullying from his hitherto-supportive classmates.
James continued his campaign, targeting Sam's close friends over the next few days. They found themselves accused of misdemeanours such as sending offensive emails/texts. Then the 'favourite' teacher went on "leave with immediate effect" after accusations of assaulting a pupil. Where had the accusations come from? Guess.
This case shows how deliberately sociopaths, from a young age, can target others. Taking advantage of people's credibility and goodwill, James exploited the situation. With a more perceptive head teacher, this sociopath might have been found out, but he knew who to manipulate and how far he could go."
COMMENTS:
Its true that good people, called 'empaths' here (a label I like and will use in future) are likely to blame themselves before searching for others to blame. They have an internal locus of control. In other words, they believe that they are responsible for what happens to them in their life. Which is very adaptive for most things in life, and its very ethical as well-- but not when it comes to dealing with sociopaths. Empaths don't like to blame others for things, and their reflex habit of self-blame will sabotage their ability to see the truth of what's going on when a sociopath steps in.
I think the next bit is EXCELLENT advice. Sociopaths will try to figure out people they meet early and one thing they're looking for is how empathetic you are. Will you be manipulated by sympathy, pity, and self-responsibility? They want to know and will ask you questions to ascertain how much of an easy 'mark' you are.
I never really thought about it, but this validates my suspicions that I trust too much too early. My very openness with people gives away too much, and I pretty much must advertise myself as someone who cares. I like the specifics of this advice to watch for questions or comments meant to illicit information about how nice I am, and how willing to get involved.
The damage that sociopaths do to other adults is terrible enough, but many children grow up with parents, or other adults who have long-term contact and influence over them and that's even worse. A lot of people who have had long-term contact have been damaged as a result. This is another reason why its so important to learn how to identify sociopaths! We need to be able to out them to the community in general, and hold them fully responsible for the harm they cause.
The next piece is about how most sociopaths work "under the radar" and live out in society with the rest of us. They seek out victims intentionally, and they often employ methods that confound and confuse. When people are confused, they often prefer to go on as if there is nothing wrong, because they're afraid of looking foolish or offending an innocent party. This common community social dynamic plays to those who have ulterior motives in mind.
Twisting the truth so that others don't know what the hell is going on is a favorite way of "playing" for evil people. Its a sport, a game, to completely obscure the facts so that no one feels certain about what's going on. Sociopaths lie habitually, but the smarter ones can be very careful and meticulous about it, weaving sometime elaborate scenarios that can seem very believable, even if they don't fit the character of the person being targeted. Somehow, the sociopath may manage to change the way people see someone, often using other people to assist them.
The case study gives an example of where a sociopath targeted a sensitive and popular "nice guy" and got a great majority of his former friends and supporters to turn on him. Then, the sociopath got rid of the kid's favorite teacher-- just to really make sure his victim felt even more alone.
I honestly feel like I've been THAT GUY numerous times. A scenario emerges where some asshole or bitch gets a burr up their ass and decides that they don't like my modest social or personal success, finding my very existence irksome-- and they start a campaign against me.
This article was very validating in that it told me that it wasn't all in my deluded and "DRAMA LLAMA" imagination: people do this sort of thing, and they do target people who have qualities that stand out in a good way. Nice people. Smart people. Talented people. If you have a combination of wonderful traits that are admirable, you're MORE likely to be targeted, not less!
We live in a reflex "blame the victim" culture that prefers to believe that bad things happen to bad people. In TRUTH-- bad things happen to GOOD people MORE often via this dynamic. Our collective ignorance of this running theme with a certain subset of people has been to the detriment of many, many, MANY victims!
Which is why I'm writing about it. I think its important to start educating ourselves. AND to stop blaming the victims. Especially if we are or have been the victims of this targeting ourselves.
More next week.
