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The article cited: www.sott.net/article/268449-Empathic-peo
The next section worthy of commentary, also reproduced in full, bold emphasis mine:
"THE SOCIOPATHIC TRANSACTION
Often empaths are targeted by sociopaths because they pose the greatest threat. The empath is usually the first to detect that something is not right and express what s/he senses.
As a consequence, the empath is both the sociopath's number one foe and a source of attraction; the empath's responses and actions provide excellent entertainment for sociopaths, who use and abuse people for sport.
The world of the empath is not for the faint-hearted. In the context we are discussing, empaths often find themselves up against not only the sociopath but often a flock of apaths as well. Apaths are afforded pole position in the sociopath's intrigues.
But this prime spot comes at a price for, in what we call the "sociopathic transaction", the apath makes an unspoken Faustian pact with the sociopath, then passively or otherwise participates in the cruel sport. "
COMMENTS: I love how this is putting responsibility square where it belongs-- upon not only the sociopathic ringleader, but also on their followers, who sell their soul in exchange for any number of selfish benefits. Anyone who has been the target of bullies knows this dynamic first hand, and it can drive us crazy. There are tons of people out there who SEEM nice, who SEEM okay-- but we've watched those types be turned into minions and it crushes trust and faith in people. Often the people we least expect to turn into a minion will shock us by doing just that. When that happens one too many times-? Its difficult to resist harsh cynicism.
I think its important to understand the WHY behind targeting-- empaths pose the greatest threat. They refuse to play along as apathetic minions, being the types to protest bullying, and they're the most likely to not only suss out the sociopath in their midst-- but to SAY SOMETHING and out the sociopath! Please note this because I think its very important.
Empaths are not targeted because they are weak, but because they are less able to be manipulated. They're targeted because they're more likely to see through the bullshit games of the sociopath. And because they're more likely to SAY something and out the sociopath and put an end to their cruel sports. Empaths are targeted because they are STRONG. They're better than the masses of minions around them. They speak out on behalf of others, even when it means putting themselves on the line.
Also-? As empaths tend to be sensitive people, they REACT. Its those pronounced reactions that sociopaths especially get off on. I lose my temper quickly and powerfully in the face of cruelty. You CANNOT get away with it in my physical presence! I've made my husband stop the car when we passed teenagers surrounding 1 guy who was obviously being bullied in full view of the public, got out and just screamed about how disgusted I was by the jerks. They were always shocked, sometimes talking back, but always broke up and left and I'd make sure the kid getting tormented had a safe way home. I've confronted people who smacked their dogs or kids in public. But I couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening, which is what it seemed most people around me were doing.
For someone like a violent sociopath, an empath's outbursts of outrage against injustice must be delectable on a whole new level...
I've learned over the years that in longer term relationships where you can't get away easily, spouting off about some injustice isn't always the best way to go about things. Sometimes you have to play things a little closer to your chest and take stock and then come up with a plan. My reactions are now much more muted with strangers for most areas. I will still lose it if I see someone abusing a child or animal or part of the earth, but I'm more likely to take down information, follow people home, and then report them to authorities nowadays rather than confront them in public-- unless there's an obvious emergency (like a kid being surrounded) that requires a witness to step in. Still, I get involved because I can't bear not to. The few times I haven't followed my conscience have always haunted me...
Its something of a revelation to me to learn that sociopaths look for kind people with a stout sense of justice to torment especially. It makes sense now, but perhaps I didn't envision it before because I assumed sociopaths aren't that perceptive or something. Big mistake!
Next part of the article to comment upon:
"SOCIOPATH-EMPATH-APATH TRIAD
The usual set-up goes like this: the empath is forced to make a stand on seeing the sociopath say or do something underhanded. The empath challenges the sociopath, who straight away throws others off the scent and shifts the blame on to the empath. The empath becomes an object of abuse when the apath corroborates the sociopath's perspective.
The situation usually ends badly for the empath and sometimes also for the apath, if their conscience returns to haunt them or they later become an object of abuse themselves. But, frustratingly, the sociopath often goes scot free.
Sociopaths rarely vary this tried-and-tested formula because it virtually guarantees them success.
Sociopaths draw in apaths by various means: flattery, bribery, disorienting them with lies. A sociopath will go to any lengths to win her game. The best way to illustrate the interplay, and the ease with which apaths are pulled in, is by another short story.
'Steve and Robin' were microbiologists at a prestigious university, collaborating on an important vaccine trial. The department head, Ben, hoped to gain substantially; success could see his status in his field rise and prove the catalyst for a glittering career.
His colleagues worked relentlessly collecting data, then Ben drafted a paper for submission to a respected journal. He decided that the outcome didn't look tantalising, so falsified key results in order to present findings in the best light. On completing the draft, he sent the paper for comment to his colleagues. Steve replied by email that he was happy with the manuscript; he used the opportunity to suck up to his boss. But Robin was aghast, noting colossal errors. With great urgency, he rattled off an email to Ben.
Receiving no response to this or a phone call, Robin went to find Ben in person, discovering him in the cafeteria with Steve. But he was too late. Ben had poisoned Steve's mind, saying that Robin had challenged him over the accuracy of the results, due to a longstanding grudge. Ben said he had to pull Robin up about his own work several months back. Steve was different, Ben implied. He intimated Steve would be on course for promotion "especially if we get this paper out and secure funding for the next-stage trials".
By the time Ben joined them, Steve, though initially shocked, had been won over by Ben's swift flattery and insinuations
Robin crossed the cafeteria to them. "Hi, you two got a moment?" Briefly there was an awkward silence. Steve exchanged a look with Ben, who gave a slight conspiratorial smile, now that the transaction was done and the sport under way. "Yes, we were just talking about the paper. By the way, I did see your email, but if you look at the paper thoroughly, I think you'll find that everything is correct." Steve replied with a smug look that "I'm with Ben on this one". Robin was floored. "You can't be serious? You're happy for it to go off to be reviewed with all these serious errors? Our reputations will be left in ruins."
He decided to make a stand. He asked for his name to be removed as a co-author but was exasperated to learn that it was sent off to the journal anyway. More frustratingly, it was published. Meanwhile, the workplace became a source of stress for Robin as he struggled to cope with the backlash from colleagues who saw his intervention as an attempt to sabotage their work. People avoided him and, when they did talk to him, the conversation was stilted.
Eventually Robin arranged a meeting with Ben to have it out once and for all. But Ben took control of the agenda. "Robin, I have to be honest with you, many of your colleagues are unhappy about the way you handled things and some have made complaints. They don't trust you to conduct yourself professionally after you attempted to sabotage their hard work. Mercifully the reviewers saw what a fine trial we'd conducted and didn't get wind of your attempted slur.
"We can't afford to have a saboteur on the team. So I've discussed this with the dean and he agrees there is no future for you here, and there's no other way to deal with this. You've got to go."
Any phase of this story sound familiar?"
COMMENTS: Um, DUH!!
I've had this dynamic pop up at work as well as in school, or in the context of family or in a social group. I bring up a concern, often confused and hoping I'm wrong about a problem, hoping its an honest mistake rather than an underhanded plan with malice aforethought. Maybe at the moment I'm mollified by a reasonable sounding excuse, but soon after that--? Suddenly I'm getting accused of being "power hungry" or "judgemental" or something, and I'll end up bewildered as to where all the personal attacks are coming from. I generally figure it out pretty quick, but it seems like never quickly enough. The minions all line up behind the BAD person in the scenario and agree collectively that I'm this villain who has secret motivations to hurt people. No one can actually accuse me of hurting anyone, because I don't hurt anyone. Yet the mere suggestion that I might seems to be rallied behind, with a "stop the devious Lucretia before its too late!" mentality and suddenly a group of people I thought of as allies or friends are no more. Often, there's a split, with some taking my side and others taking the sociopath's side.
But every time it happens, my heart is broken. Not by the sociopath who I find myself actively hating and eager to be rid of, but by their minions, who so disappointed me in being so eager to believe the worst of me, and in being such weak patsies, following the asshole or bitch rather than have faith in me-- who never did anything wrong at any point to begin with! The frustration of the repeated scenario is massive.
Final section of the article:
"THE GASLIGHTING EFFECT
In the story above, the actions of Ben and Steve have a 'gaslighting' effect on Robin. Gaslighting is a systematic attempt by one person to erode another's reality.
The syndrome gets its name from the play and films of the same name in which a murderer strives to make his wife doubt her sanity and get others to disbelieve her.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented in such a way as to make the target doubt his/her memory and perception. Psychologists call this "the sociopath's dance". It could involve denial or staging of strange events.
This is Machiavellian behavior of the worst kind. And anyone can become a victim of the sociopath's gaslighting moves: parent and child, in-laws, friends, groups of people including work colleagues.
Psychotherapist Christine Louise de Canonville describes different phases that the abuser leads the relationship through:
To learn more, including how to recover from exposure to a prolonged sociopathic transaction, buy The Empathy Trap: Understanding antisocial personalities by Dr Jane and Tim McGregor (Sheldon Press, ISBN 978-1847092762). "
COMMENTS:
This last bit is very, very important to know. How the game of the sociopath is played...
I know how gaslighting works, and for psychopaths its a huge part of their abuse. Women too focus on this type of psychological warfare rather than more obvious and easily outed behaviors. Also, the more sly sociopaths in professional roles and in organized social groups.
Gaslighting definitely seems easier to spot from the outside in, because though I've actually known about this dynamic for ages, I'm still too often blind-sided by it. I think things are one way, and they are-- for a while, but then SURPRISE! Actually, things have been operating at this under-the-surface level for several weeks and I never see it.
I'd like to think I'm more alert now, but my confidence has been so shaken when it comes to certain things. I don't know that I want to deal with this dynamic again. Its what's holding me back from either joining or creating a new social and/or spiritual group. Dirty politics disgusts and distresses me so much that I don't know that any social venture is worth the bother anymore!
Maybe someday I'll feel ready to face it again. At the moment I'm not. Regardless, education is definitely worth it-- and becoming aware of this dynamic, which I've borne witness to countless times yet never seen labeled officially-- is vital in my ability to carry on and feel some sense of mastery over these issues.
The next section worthy of commentary, also reproduced in full, bold emphasis mine:
"THE SOCIOPATHIC TRANSACTION
Often empaths are targeted by sociopaths because they pose the greatest threat. The empath is usually the first to detect that something is not right and express what s/he senses.
As a consequence, the empath is both the sociopath's number one foe and a source of attraction; the empath's responses and actions provide excellent entertainment for sociopaths, who use and abuse people for sport.
The world of the empath is not for the faint-hearted. In the context we are discussing, empaths often find themselves up against not only the sociopath but often a flock of apaths as well. Apaths are afforded pole position in the sociopath's intrigues.
But this prime spot comes at a price for, in what we call the "sociopathic transaction", the apath makes an unspoken Faustian pact with the sociopath, then passively or otherwise participates in the cruel sport. "
COMMENTS: I love how this is putting responsibility square where it belongs-- upon not only the sociopathic ringleader, but also on their followers, who sell their soul in exchange for any number of selfish benefits. Anyone who has been the target of bullies knows this dynamic first hand, and it can drive us crazy. There are tons of people out there who SEEM nice, who SEEM okay-- but we've watched those types be turned into minions and it crushes trust and faith in people. Often the people we least expect to turn into a minion will shock us by doing just that. When that happens one too many times-? Its difficult to resist harsh cynicism.
I think its important to understand the WHY behind targeting-- empaths pose the greatest threat. They refuse to play along as apathetic minions, being the types to protest bullying, and they're the most likely to not only suss out the sociopath in their midst-- but to SAY SOMETHING and out the sociopath! Please note this because I think its very important.
Empaths are not targeted because they are weak, but because they are less able to be manipulated. They're targeted because they're more likely to see through the bullshit games of the sociopath. And because they're more likely to SAY something and out the sociopath and put an end to their cruel sports. Empaths are targeted because they are STRONG. They're better than the masses of minions around them. They speak out on behalf of others, even when it means putting themselves on the line.
Also-? As empaths tend to be sensitive people, they REACT. Its those pronounced reactions that sociopaths especially get off on. I lose my temper quickly and powerfully in the face of cruelty. You CANNOT get away with it in my physical presence! I've made my husband stop the car when we passed teenagers surrounding 1 guy who was obviously being bullied in full view of the public, got out and just screamed about how disgusted I was by the jerks. They were always shocked, sometimes talking back, but always broke up and left and I'd make sure the kid getting tormented had a safe way home. I've confronted people who smacked their dogs or kids in public. But I couldn't just pretend it wasn't happening, which is what it seemed most people around me were doing.
For someone like a violent sociopath, an empath's outbursts of outrage against injustice must be delectable on a whole new level...
I've learned over the years that in longer term relationships where you can't get away easily, spouting off about some injustice isn't always the best way to go about things. Sometimes you have to play things a little closer to your chest and take stock and then come up with a plan. My reactions are now much more muted with strangers for most areas. I will still lose it if I see someone abusing a child or animal or part of the earth, but I'm more likely to take down information, follow people home, and then report them to authorities nowadays rather than confront them in public-- unless there's an obvious emergency (like a kid being surrounded) that requires a witness to step in. Still, I get involved because I can't bear not to. The few times I haven't followed my conscience have always haunted me...
Its something of a revelation to me to learn that sociopaths look for kind people with a stout sense of justice to torment especially. It makes sense now, but perhaps I didn't envision it before because I assumed sociopaths aren't that perceptive or something. Big mistake!
Next part of the article to comment upon:
"SOCIOPATH-EMPATH-APATH TRIAD
The usual set-up goes like this: the empath is forced to make a stand on seeing the sociopath say or do something underhanded. The empath challenges the sociopath, who straight away throws others off the scent and shifts the blame on to the empath. The empath becomes an object of abuse when the apath corroborates the sociopath's perspective.
The situation usually ends badly for the empath and sometimes also for the apath, if their conscience returns to haunt them or they later become an object of abuse themselves. But, frustratingly, the sociopath often goes scot free.
Sociopaths rarely vary this tried-and-tested formula because it virtually guarantees them success.
Sociopaths draw in apaths by various means: flattery, bribery, disorienting them with lies. A sociopath will go to any lengths to win her game. The best way to illustrate the interplay, and the ease with which apaths are pulled in, is by another short story.
'Steve and Robin' were microbiologists at a prestigious university, collaborating on an important vaccine trial. The department head, Ben, hoped to gain substantially; success could see his status in his field rise and prove the catalyst for a glittering career.
His colleagues worked relentlessly collecting data, then Ben drafted a paper for submission to a respected journal. He decided that the outcome didn't look tantalising, so falsified key results in order to present findings in the best light. On completing the draft, he sent the paper for comment to his colleagues. Steve replied by email that he was happy with the manuscript; he used the opportunity to suck up to his boss. But Robin was aghast, noting colossal errors. With great urgency, he rattled off an email to Ben.
Receiving no response to this or a phone call, Robin went to find Ben in person, discovering him in the cafeteria with Steve. But he was too late. Ben had poisoned Steve's mind, saying that Robin had challenged him over the accuracy of the results, due to a longstanding grudge. Ben said he had to pull Robin up about his own work several months back. Steve was different, Ben implied. He intimated Steve would be on course for promotion "especially if we get this paper out and secure funding for the next-stage trials".
By the time Ben joined them, Steve, though initially shocked, had been won over by Ben's swift flattery and insinuations
Robin crossed the cafeteria to them. "Hi, you two got a moment?" Briefly there was an awkward silence. Steve exchanged a look with Ben, who gave a slight conspiratorial smile, now that the transaction was done and the sport under way. "Yes, we were just talking about the paper. By the way, I did see your email, but if you look at the paper thoroughly, I think you'll find that everything is correct." Steve replied with a smug look that "I'm with Ben on this one". Robin was floored. "You can't be serious? You're happy for it to go off to be reviewed with all these serious errors? Our reputations will be left in ruins."
He decided to make a stand. He asked for his name to be removed as a co-author but was exasperated to learn that it was sent off to the journal anyway. More frustratingly, it was published. Meanwhile, the workplace became a source of stress for Robin as he struggled to cope with the backlash from colleagues who saw his intervention as an attempt to sabotage their work. People avoided him and, when they did talk to him, the conversation was stilted.
Eventually Robin arranged a meeting with Ben to have it out once and for all. But Ben took control of the agenda. "Robin, I have to be honest with you, many of your colleagues are unhappy about the way you handled things and some have made complaints. They don't trust you to conduct yourself professionally after you attempted to sabotage their hard work. Mercifully the reviewers saw what a fine trial we'd conducted and didn't get wind of your attempted slur.
"We can't afford to have a saboteur on the team. So I've discussed this with the dean and he agrees there is no future for you here, and there's no other way to deal with this. You've got to go."
Any phase of this story sound familiar?"
COMMENTS: Um, DUH!!
I've had this dynamic pop up at work as well as in school, or in the context of family or in a social group. I bring up a concern, often confused and hoping I'm wrong about a problem, hoping its an honest mistake rather than an underhanded plan with malice aforethought. Maybe at the moment I'm mollified by a reasonable sounding excuse, but soon after that--? Suddenly I'm getting accused of being "power hungry" or "judgemental" or something, and I'll end up bewildered as to where all the personal attacks are coming from. I generally figure it out pretty quick, but it seems like never quickly enough. The minions all line up behind the BAD person in the scenario and agree collectively that I'm this villain who has secret motivations to hurt people. No one can actually accuse me of hurting anyone, because I don't hurt anyone. Yet the mere suggestion that I might seems to be rallied behind, with a "stop the devious Lucretia before its too late!" mentality and suddenly a group of people I thought of as allies or friends are no more. Often, there's a split, with some taking my side and others taking the sociopath's side.
But every time it happens, my heart is broken. Not by the sociopath who I find myself actively hating and eager to be rid of, but by their minions, who so disappointed me in being so eager to believe the worst of me, and in being such weak patsies, following the asshole or bitch rather than have faith in me-- who never did anything wrong at any point to begin with! The frustration of the repeated scenario is massive.
Final section of the article:
"THE GASLIGHTING EFFECT
In the story above, the actions of Ben and Steve have a 'gaslighting' effect on Robin. Gaslighting is a systematic attempt by one person to erode another's reality.
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented in such a way as to make the target doubt his/her memory and perception. Psychologists call this "the sociopath's dance". It could involve denial or staging of strange events.
This is Machiavellian behavior of the worst kind. And anyone can become a victim of the sociopath's gaslighting moves: parent and child, in-laws, friends, groups of people including work colleagues.
Psychotherapist Christine Louise de Canonville describes different phases that the abuser leads the relationship through:
- the idealization stage, where the sociopath shows herself in the best possible light - but this phase is an illusion, to draw her target in
- the devaluation stage begins gradually so the target is not alert to the sociopath's transformation to being cold and unfeeling, but will begin to feel devalued at every turn; the more distressed the target becomes, the more the sociopath enjoys her power, and her abuse can become more extreme
- the discarding stage - the target is reduced to an object to which the sociopath is indifferent, seeing the game as won; the sociopath rejects any connection, moving on to the next target.
To learn more, including how to recover from exposure to a prolonged sociopathic transaction, buy The Empathy Trap: Understanding antisocial personalities by Dr Jane and Tim McGregor (Sheldon Press, ISBN 978-1847092762). "
COMMENTS:
This last bit is very, very important to know. How the game of the sociopath is played...
I know how gaslighting works, and for psychopaths its a huge part of their abuse. Women too focus on this type of psychological warfare rather than more obvious and easily outed behaviors. Also, the more sly sociopaths in professional roles and in organized social groups.
Gaslighting definitely seems easier to spot from the outside in, because though I've actually known about this dynamic for ages, I'm still too often blind-sided by it. I think things are one way, and they are-- for a while, but then SURPRISE! Actually, things have been operating at this under-the-surface level for several weeks and I never see it.
I'd like to think I'm more alert now, but my confidence has been so shaken when it comes to certain things. I don't know that I want to deal with this dynamic again. Its what's holding me back from either joining or creating a new social and/or spiritual group. Dirty politics disgusts and distresses me so much that I don't know that any social venture is worth the bother anymore!
Maybe someday I'll feel ready to face it again. At the moment I'm not. Regardless, education is definitely worth it-- and becoming aware of this dynamic, which I've borne witness to countless times yet never seen labeled officially-- is vital in my ability to carry on and feel some sense of mastery over these issues.
