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At last I'm in the home stretch of my emotional/social self-defense series!
Before I begin my last segment-- something along the lines of "what to watch out for" regarding sociopaths or "middle paths" who take plays out of the sociopathic playbook-- I would like to attempt to explain part of why apaths/minions/selfish/lazy/cowardly types don't seem too bent out of shape by their horrendous choices that end up costing humanity's most valuable members (the empaths) so much.
You see, its a form of retardation.
No-- really. I'm not kidding. Their brains are fucked up.
I could go into a detailed explanation, but sometimes someone beats you to the punch and does a bang-up job of making it FUN. Check out the link (DO IT! You must to get the rest of my blog!):
www.cracked.com/blog/5-psychological-fla
Yeah, that's right-- from Cracked. You read it before moving on, right? If not-- stop now and go back. You won't be sorry.
#1 is my favorite:
The stupider you are, the more likely you are to think you're a freakin' genius! The less you actually know, the more you assume you know.
And it's true, too. The most intelligent people, barring a few oddballs, tend to be rather nervous about all their many deficiencies-- especially the ones they can only suspect. The most truly educated (those who read and study for fun their whole lives) are uncomfortably aware of how vast their own ignorance is or must be. In fact, this process has a name: The Dunning-Kruger Effect.
Therefore, those of more limited intellect and knowledge are more likely to bias their own thinking towards spun myths of a self-gratifying nature. I'm not just being mean, and of course we can ALL think of an exception to this rule, but many studies have confirmed that this is a clear issue that is easily demonstrated all over the world. Its a gross over-generalization that is none-the-less mostly true for most people.
And it makes perfect sense when you think about it. The more intelligent you are, the better able you are to assess, weigh, measure, and predict reality. Which means you're more likely to spot flaws-- even in yourself. The accumulation of knowledge works along a similar vein; discovering knowledge is like following the branches of a fractal tree, the more you find, the more you realize there IS to find. Education opens the mind and stretches the brain (when its done correctly.)
I'm going to leap to a not-so-startling conclusion here and imagine that the vast majority of obedient, self-serving followers out there are NOT on the upper end of the intelligence and knowledge scale!! I'm not saying that every asshole can't help himself, that he's just too stupid to "get" things about people-- but YEAH, maybe I am a little because if you just automatically assume you're too cool for school when in fact you need schooling more than anyone, you're a part of the problem here.
Start from this bias of the mentally limited (in one or both ways) and suddenly entire universes of bullshit about people starts to make sense. Since few people question their own brilliant vast understanding of things, few take the step of merely stopping and questioning the reality they are presented. Since sociopaths excel in presenting fabricated reality, guess who has a head start in these matters?
Exactly.
#2 continues the hilarity (yes, I'm going backwards against the article): People DON'T learn from their mistakes!
We've all heard of trial and error, about how its the hardest way to go but the way that will get through our thick skulls eventually. Except apparently NOT. As the Cracked piece says, people learn from their successes-- because it has a built-in reward to it, but not so much from their fuck ups. Some do, eventually-- after a lot of anguish and confusion-- but its the exception more than the rule.
And THAT makes so much sense! How many people (including me, okay? hell yeah I include myself here!) keep messing up the same things the same way, over and over again!?! Um, pretty much EVERYONE. Unless you make yourself STOP, ASSESS the issue, and figure out consciously what the hell you were thinking, and THEN come up with an alternate plan for next time, you can't change how you tend to approach things very often. IF, on the other hand, you try something new and it works, the good news is you'll probably stick to it.
Point being, as far as our "minion issues" go-- that people that made a mistake trusting or siding with the wrong person don't tend to realize they screwed up (see point #1 above) but even if they do, they're unlikely to actually do anything differently later.
Take comfort. They'll help hurt lots more people besides you. Its nothing personal most of the time.
The last few points, that people don't notice as much as they think they do, take shortcuts in processing information, are grossly biased, and make decisions based upon a concept of reality that is no where near as accurate as people assume (see #1 above) and we have our holy horror of human cognitive fallibility.
My main point being, once more, that most people are literally too stupid to realize they're minions. They don't know how apathetic they can be. They don't see themselves as blind followers. They resist looking in the mirror and realizing the person in the reflection is fundamentally FLAWED. Few will see themselves as lazy or cowardly. No, they decide they are quite heroic, you know, if given the chance-- which, darn it, poor dears!-- they never are!
I think its important to realize that 60%- 80% of the population of Neutral types (depending upon how you measure this trait) literally have difficulty even grasping that they are even capable of fucking up as much or as often as they do. Because they don't bother to question themselves, and are too quick to assume they're going to make the right decision, they come by their bullshit biases 'honestly.' You put these cognitive factors into play with a culture of instant gratification that encourages narcissism--?
What could go wrong, huh?
I suspect (I have yet to see very many good studies on this) that empaths, on top of being emotionally developed and sophisticated, are also intellectually ahead of the curve. I think we empaths DO grasp our own inevitable fallibility and in addition see what boobs other people can be on all these things. We therefore end up living in not-so-very-secret fear that we may be guilty of the same biases and bullshit self-serving myth-making that we see in the people who have hurt us or taken sides against us or looked away when we were in obvious distress. We can't bear the thought of becoming the monsters and villains who crushed our spirits through the years, and so question and re-question ourselves endlessly.
To begin with, I think when we're young, we assume everyone does the same. The shock is great, and the feeling of betrayal beyond expression, when we come to realize that most people are not very much bothered by the various dramas that erupt around them. They don't wonder what their part of it was-- they just assume they're the victims or the victors, never the bad guy. They rationalize all questions, doubts, and discomforts away and go on to blithely live their lives oblivious to the damage they create or allow to be created in their presence!
I think we empaths stumble a lot trying to wrap our heads around the difference between our willingness to accept blame and try to learn from our mistakes and the blatant unwillingness of most people in our lives to do the same! I think its important for all of us to accept that this is how things work. Not to encourage an "us vs. them" approach to things-- but to stop being so shocked and disappointed. Those emotional reactions too often prevent us from thinking strategically and being 2 steps ahead of the bad guys we run into periodically who so enjoy targeting us.
In other words, we empaths need to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt for ONCE, and take some credit where its due. We drive ourselves crazy with the second-guessing and the what-ifs. Maybe there's a better way to deal with all of this. And I, for one, would embrace a new way of looking at and dealing with difficult situations and people. I'm tired of defending myself-- not just to others, but to myself! Past a certain point, its a waste of time, energy, and spiritual resources.
Before I begin my last segment-- something along the lines of "what to watch out for" regarding sociopaths or "middle paths" who take plays out of the sociopathic playbook-- I would like to attempt to explain part of why apaths/minions/selfish/lazy/cowardly types don't seem too bent out of shape by their horrendous choices that end up costing humanity's most valuable members (the empaths) so much.
You see, its a form of retardation.
No-- really. I'm not kidding. Their brains are fucked up.
I could go into a detailed explanation, but sometimes someone beats you to the punch and does a bang-up job of making it FUN. Check out the link (DO IT! You must to get the rest of my blog!):
www.cracked.com/blog/5-psychological-fla
Yeah, that's right-- from Cracked. You read it before moving on, right? If not-- stop now and go back. You won't be sorry.
* * *
#1 is my favorite:
The stupider you are, the more likely you are to think you're a freakin' genius! The less you actually know, the more you assume you know.
And it's true, too. The most intelligent people, barring a few oddballs, tend to be rather nervous about all their many deficiencies-- especially the ones they can only suspect. The most truly educated (those who read and study for fun their whole lives) are uncomfortably aware of how vast their own ignorance is or must be. In fact, this process has a name: The Dunning-Kruger Effect.
Therefore, those of more limited intellect and knowledge are more likely to bias their own thinking towards spun myths of a self-gratifying nature. I'm not just being mean, and of course we can ALL think of an exception to this rule, but many studies have confirmed that this is a clear issue that is easily demonstrated all over the world. Its a gross over-generalization that is none-the-less mostly true for most people.
And it makes perfect sense when you think about it. The more intelligent you are, the better able you are to assess, weigh, measure, and predict reality. Which means you're more likely to spot flaws-- even in yourself. The accumulation of knowledge works along a similar vein; discovering knowledge is like following the branches of a fractal tree, the more you find, the more you realize there IS to find. Education opens the mind and stretches the brain (when its done correctly.)
I'm going to leap to a not-so-startling conclusion here and imagine that the vast majority of obedient, self-serving followers out there are NOT on the upper end of the intelligence and knowledge scale!! I'm not saying that every asshole can't help himself, that he's just too stupid to "get" things about people-- but YEAH, maybe I am a little because if you just automatically assume you're too cool for school when in fact you need schooling more than anyone, you're a part of the problem here.
Start from this bias of the mentally limited (in one or both ways) and suddenly entire universes of bullshit about people starts to make sense. Since few people question their own brilliant vast understanding of things, few take the step of merely stopping and questioning the reality they are presented. Since sociopaths excel in presenting fabricated reality, guess who has a head start in these matters?
Exactly.
#2 continues the hilarity (yes, I'm going backwards against the article): People DON'T learn from their mistakes!
We've all heard of trial and error, about how its the hardest way to go but the way that will get through our thick skulls eventually. Except apparently NOT. As the Cracked piece says, people learn from their successes-- because it has a built-in reward to it, but not so much from their fuck ups. Some do, eventually-- after a lot of anguish and confusion-- but its the exception more than the rule.
And THAT makes so much sense! How many people (including me, okay? hell yeah I include myself here!) keep messing up the same things the same way, over and over again!?! Um, pretty much EVERYONE. Unless you make yourself STOP, ASSESS the issue, and figure out consciously what the hell you were thinking, and THEN come up with an alternate plan for next time, you can't change how you tend to approach things very often. IF, on the other hand, you try something new and it works, the good news is you'll probably stick to it.
Point being, as far as our "minion issues" go-- that people that made a mistake trusting or siding with the wrong person don't tend to realize they screwed up (see point #1 above) but even if they do, they're unlikely to actually do anything differently later.
Take comfort. They'll help hurt lots more people besides you. Its nothing personal most of the time.
The last few points, that people don't notice as much as they think they do, take shortcuts in processing information, are grossly biased, and make decisions based upon a concept of reality that is no where near as accurate as people assume (see #1 above) and we have our holy horror of human cognitive fallibility.
My main point being, once more, that most people are literally too stupid to realize they're minions. They don't know how apathetic they can be. They don't see themselves as blind followers. They resist looking in the mirror and realizing the person in the reflection is fundamentally FLAWED. Few will see themselves as lazy or cowardly. No, they decide they are quite heroic, you know, if given the chance-- which, darn it, poor dears!-- they never are!
I think its important to realize that 60%- 80% of the population of Neutral types (depending upon how you measure this trait) literally have difficulty even grasping that they are even capable of fucking up as much or as often as they do. Because they don't bother to question themselves, and are too quick to assume they're going to make the right decision, they come by their bullshit biases 'honestly.' You put these cognitive factors into play with a culture of instant gratification that encourages narcissism--?
What could go wrong, huh?
I suspect (I have yet to see very many good studies on this) that empaths, on top of being emotionally developed and sophisticated, are also intellectually ahead of the curve. I think we empaths DO grasp our own inevitable fallibility and in addition see what boobs other people can be on all these things. We therefore end up living in not-so-very-secret fear that we may be guilty of the same biases and bullshit self-serving myth-making that we see in the people who have hurt us or taken sides against us or looked away when we were in obvious distress. We can't bear the thought of becoming the monsters and villains who crushed our spirits through the years, and so question and re-question ourselves endlessly.
To begin with, I think when we're young, we assume everyone does the same. The shock is great, and the feeling of betrayal beyond expression, when we come to realize that most people are not very much bothered by the various dramas that erupt around them. They don't wonder what their part of it was-- they just assume they're the victims or the victors, never the bad guy. They rationalize all questions, doubts, and discomforts away and go on to blithely live their lives oblivious to the damage they create or allow to be created in their presence!
I think we empaths stumble a lot trying to wrap our heads around the difference between our willingness to accept blame and try to learn from our mistakes and the blatant unwillingness of most people in our lives to do the same! I think its important for all of us to accept that this is how things work. Not to encourage an "us vs. them" approach to things-- but to stop being so shocked and disappointed. Those emotional reactions too often prevent us from thinking strategically and being 2 steps ahead of the bad guys we run into periodically who so enjoy targeting us.
In other words, we empaths need to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt for ONCE, and take some credit where its due. We drive ourselves crazy with the second-guessing and the what-ifs. Maybe there's a better way to deal with all of this. And I, for one, would embrace a new way of looking at and dealing with difficult situations and people. I'm tired of defending myself-- not just to others, but to myself! Past a certain point, its a waste of time, energy, and spiritual resources.
